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Hearing The Beat of My Heart

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Hearing the beat of my heart. Slowly beating sounds like light piano, turning into hard Piano. Thinking back to everything we went through, seems like my imagination spinning out of control. A fantasy. Trying to figure out my place in this world is harder then falling in love. Trying to figure out my future is harder then telling my parents I "found the one at the age of 13". My life is harder then anyone’s, people might say, but listen im not trying to prove I know everything, im just trying to find myself, and who I am, and what im doing here on this earth. Finding the real me is harder then anything I had to do in my life. Finding what my position in this world is is harder then knowing what all my flaws might be.

Hearing the beat of my heart, slowly thumping against my chest feels like, everything slows down. Nothing important matters. Not even him, my best friend, or her, my “sister”. Just me. My health. My life. Taking care of me, and no one else.

Closing my eyes, listening to my surroundings, humming my favorite tune, tracing my scar, just above my heart. The truth lit up, showed me that I needed to take care of me and put everyone else last, something I didn’t know I could do.

Everything disappeared after the incident, everything that I thought was a problem disappeared, people that I thought didn’t care proved me right. It showed me my real friends, who really love and care for me. I wasted my tears; on him too realize he never cared. Im not sad. Im not mad. Im calm. Calmer then I ever thought I would be. I was sad, but I realized that he never was meant to be in my life, and I never was meant to be in his. I forgot about him so easily sometimes I ask myself if it was all real. My life is more important then a guy, more important then anything.

I need my time to think, think about me and my future.

Breathing, slowly, trying to be sure im not using to much pressure on my little overprotective heart, placing my hands on my chest hearing my heart slowly thump. It feels like heaven, my own personal paradise. Thump.....thump....thump....hearing the rhythm coming back and forth, back to my chest placing the musical notes on my hands, singing a song. My heart speaks, sings. Thump. Thump. Thump.....





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