I sit there with my head against my knees, arms wrapped around my legs. I had been out running and I thought of my angel of death then I came to a dead stop as the blackness protested. His words rang through my head, they weren’t for me just everybody else, but they still hurt. “All I want is a little of the good life. I’d love to love you but my heart is a sore. When I die I’ll be forgotten. I just wish you weren’t my friend so I could hurt you in the end. We used to love ourselves; we used to love one another. Running to the edge of the world, just to find that you’re not there. All you can do is scream, cry and hide in the darkness” and that’s exactly what I did, I ran and I got yanked back into reality by the darkness. I screamed once and then cried as the darkness pulled me into the middle of the forest, into the blackness. I clawed at the ground fighting it again, wanting my angel of death to come and save me but knowing it wasn’t going to happen ended my struggle. It pulled me by my feet to the deepest darkest part of the forest where I now sat crying to myself, huddled in a ball to keep warm. I kept my eyes closed afraid to see the black and white field around me in the center of the forest. Scared to see my friends lined up, each holding a flower that represented hope. I got up and turned away finally allowing myself to look, but he was there. My angel of death did come to save me. He outstretched his hand; I reached up to grab it and my hand phased through his. Desperate I tried to cling to him as the tears ran out of my eyes, but it wasn’t him. It was my blackness fooling me, making sure I knew it was boss. I was forced into submission and as the blackness overtook my body, I was enlightened for the one second it took to change from me to me. I walked to the house that night and an eerie silence had set in the house just like my heart. I felt hopelessly and utterly alone.
July 9, 2010