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trying to stop cutting?

By , columbus, NC
I was 14 when i started. My big sister was just recovering from cutting. Before i get too into it let me tell you some of my history.
I have 4 addoptive sibblings though i do not see them as adoppted, I see them as blood brother and sister. I have two older sisters, two older brothers, and one yunger brother.
I had never felt excepted by my oldest brother and sister, though I longed to find exceptoin in there heart for me. My older brother went to florida and lived with his biological mother. He got into drugs and stuff. He called one night when he was high and started cussing my mom and dad out. that add to my anger
Then my older sister rann away and broke my mom and dads heart and that also added to my anger.
Then I started cutting, and at first i tried to trick my self into thinking that I was really not cutting that I just wanted to see at what point of presure the human skin could break.
At first it just started with a nail file that was kind of rigged aroud the edges and just left scratches. Then I started to not feel as much pain so i started to put more presure on it and would scratch the scabes open.
I was doing on mt legs so nobody new. I told my siter,that had been cutting, one day when we were talking about secretes.
Well she told some of here friends and they dicided that they should tell one of the elders in our church and then the elder told my parents. I was not thet deep into it so it was not a painfully hard time to stop but it was a
chaleng to stop. I still feel the temtation to do it some times. But God gives me streagth to resist the temptation to have to feel the rugged edg ripping at my skin taking the anger out on my self and to feel that here is a greater pain then what i feel.God knows what i am going through and is hellping me understand that he loves me more than i can conprhend.





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wind.and.rain.again said...
Nov. 3, 2010 at 7:50 pm
this is beautiful
 
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