I find it funny that no matter what I do, the pain is always there. I can’t concentrate, I can’t even eat. My heart is silent, pained. Everyone says it’ll pass, but how can it when she has you? I could never imagine being with anyone else and yet you moved on so fast. She is perfect. She is pretty, smart, kind. But I am afraid for you. I don’t want you to get hurt. I would never hurt you or try to hurt you. I just can’t see you hanging out with her, doing all we did together with her. You are going to forget me, just like you promised you would never do. I am in your past, along with those other girls. I am now just like one of them. A simple memory, soon to be replaced. My heart is silently screaming for you. I seem obsessed with you. I’m not…. I just didn’t want to lose the best thing that ever walked into my life. But it’s too late and there’s nothing I can do. I wasn’t perfect. I screwed up a lot. But you don’t care now. You have her and you are going to be happy. I am happy for you but it hurts so bad. I act like I don’t care, I act like everything is lovely and dandy. It’s not and I want you to see that. But you won’t look because you are looking at her. I am gone, I am worthless to you. Our memories together will always be in my mind but never in yours. You said you would never forget. But you are going to. I bet you already have. I stay up at night and I cry. I can’t sleep, I can’t think straight. My heart feels empty. There is nothing worse than having to miss a person you see every day. I look at you and my heart yearns for something it will never again have. I can’t move on, I can’t forget. I gave you my all and you took it. I have nothing, nothing at all and it hurts so bad. My mind is in a jumble, my heart screams and no one hears. I can hear it though and it is so loud. So loud and yet silent. I don’t want to look at you, talk to you. It hurts too bad. I look at you and I feel like I can’t take it anymore. It’s like you’re dead but you’re still there. It hurts to have lost my grandpa and it hurts that I will never again see him on this Earth. But you, I see you every day and that hurts so much worse. You may never know my pain. I had plans and now I have nothing. I have collapsed.
April 29, 2010