I am selfish. I am selfish when it comes to love and I am selfish when it come to you. It's turned me brittle. I'm broken, torn, between the thought of having you and not. I want to leave so you'll chase me. I want to piss you off so you can fight for me. But I won't. Because you won't. And because we won't do such things, we fall apart. It comes to a point where I don't want to be near you, I don't want to see you, I don't want to think of you while I sleep in a dream. I don't want you. But at the same time I desire you, I crave you, I want you with me all the time. I'm lonely with you. I'm lonely without you. I can't make up my mind. You're just there and I don't know what to do with you. I don't know what to do with me. I don't know what to do with us. I hate when you aren't with me and only me. I hate when you're sitting in class and I'm not there. I hate when some other girl hang out with you and you tell me about it and I don't care. I hate those other girls. So the truth? I am selfish. I am selfish when it comes to loving you, because one day, that one day, you won't be here loving me.
February 7, 2010