pouring in my mind

January 19, 2010
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in my mind i imagine you still care and when you open my note and see your ring on the chain you gave me it hurts you an dyour relize you still want me.

but its just a dream.

i miagine your face, so serious, contemplateing my note where i tell you how i felt. i imagine you text her and and you tell her you cant be with her, not when you still love me.

in my day dream you hurry to get dressed at lunch and you barrel through the school to me and take me in your arms and hold me and tell me over and over i love you and kiss me over and over.

i would tell you its okay and i still love you.

but its only a dream.

i imagine the truth now, you look at the note, not touching it, leaveing it on your bed because your too chicken to come to school and face me. and your too chicken to read what i need to tell you. you sit there and stare at it wondering what is in the hand made envelope because when you squeeze it its solid but shake it it rattles.

but when you get the courage to open it, you see the ring you bought me.

12$ worth of your love shining up at you.

and you lean back and stare at my pictures i gave you wondering about me. and you look over my familer hand writting, reading each of my carefully selected words. and when you read the ones that mean the most to me

i love you

i love you

you laugh. thinking stupid girl, she thinks i love her?

no i love the girl im with now. iv loved her since elementry. and you think of how annoying i am because i still call you trying to be your friend

a friend who loves you more than i should.

but you cant stand it.

i need to ask you if you dont want me to call you any more. i neeed you to tell me you dont love me and you never did. i need to know you never cared so i can stop pretending your sitting there thinking to your self ways to get me back, ways to get me to waer your ring and tell you i love you every day.

if i know you never loved me i couldlet go and never worry about how it could have been if i still talked to you

im sitting here wondering, wearing your sweater, acheing to take it off. acheing for you to be the one wrapped around me instaed of its cotton sleaves.

i want to know if i did anything wrong. why did yo treat me this way?

i want to tell you that theres this girl in a class room with racoon eyeliner smiling at someones phone going off because its owners friend mimiced it exactly.

if you saw the girl with racoon eyeliner you would see the green-honey eyesshinning with the tears shes holding back. shes willing them not to fall and stream black down her alread salt stained face.

you would have said she was beautiful if you saw the way here eyeliner was and it was 5 days ago. you would have wanted to kiss her till she couldnt breath but if it was 5 days ago she wouldnt be close to tears worrying about the eyeliner she wished she tever wore.

if it was 5 days ago she wouldnt be doubting you loved her.

if it was 5 days ago... i wouldnt have doubted you loved me at all.

and that racoon lined girl is looking at the clock that says 10 minutes till lunch and she dosnt care because your not there.

but she remembers a timewhen she would be squirming in her seat because in 10. 9. 8. 7. 6. 5. 4. 3. 2. 1. 0.

she'd be holding you. but not to day. not any more. shes clutching her umbrella instead of you as the sky opens up and crys for her.

this girl is torn between the warmth of your sweater and freezing because she cant stand any thing of yours touching her.

shes torn from the memory of you smiling at her as she excitedly put ogn the sweater.

she huggs herself pretending that the love that dosnt exist is infused in the sweater and its comforting her.

the umbrealla thats sheilding her from the skys tears is bright and rainbowed, too cheery for how she really feels.

in her mind she wants to scream and sob and begg him to love her.

but she knows its not ment to be.

it was never ment to be

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This article has 9 comments. Post your own now!

have_a_heart This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Feb. 9, 2010 at 8:09 pm
I agree with Fayrouz. this story has amazing potential but using better grammar and spelling would help and also dividing into proper paragraphs would just make it flow better and easier to read.
Fayrouz This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Jan. 29, 2010 at 5:35 pm
this definitely has some strong emotion pouring through, but what really bothered me is that it has a lot of mistakes, spelling and grammar. so please fix those and may be use better imagery and verbs...that would all help b/c you have a good idea, but the way you present it just isn't very clean cut. good job though and keep writing :)
twiwrite replied...
Jan. 30, 2010 at 5:23 pm
thanks, i think alot of the mistakes were that i cant type that good
kimmycakes said...
Jan. 23, 2010 at 9:52 pm
wow!!! this was really really good.. in this story im the racoon eyes girl wanting to cry daily
twiwrite replied...
Jan. 24, 2010 at 12:33 am
thanks, i am the racoon liend girl to in this one
kimmycakes replied...
Jan. 24, 2010 at 1:29 pm
ur welcome!!! is really true what hapend?
twiwrite replied...
Jan. 24, 2010 at 2:53 pm
well the begining was in my head the rest of it did really happen.
kimmycakes replied...
Jan. 24, 2010 at 5:04 pm
well ur still very good....i made a story about mike but its pending approval :(( its taking forever lol
twiwrite replied...
Jan. 24, 2010 at 6:54 pm
yeah i waited three months once for a poem. here i waited a week. it just depends i guess.
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