Bam. Bang. Smash. Crash. More sounds errupt from upstairs and can no longer be ignored. So he goes upstairs to investigate and findds trouble. The little boy destroyed brothers belongings and room. The little boy has been bad for a while and decided he likes it. SO he looses his temper and yells and screams fightening words at the little boy who only pretends to be faced. He's a smart little boy and knows that they are false threats. Then he yells at the almost asleep little girl. Finally she cannot take it anymore and yells to her husband enough. Thier own frustration exploes out at eachother while brother and I obviosly can hear it all but try not to and instead pretend all is ok. Silence comes along with awkward tension. Brother and I just keep quiet for he went to bed and she is on the phone. We both know a storm is coming and rain always follows. Brother realizes just as much as I do that in a way it is all our fault, only he throws sucha thought away and acts like nothing happened. Both she and hubby blame eachother on the outside for our bad behavior and themselfs only on the inside. In the house laysno trust only lies, no honesty only theifs, not safety-it is a battleground. No despair only hurtful words. Something is wrong, something is missing, only we don't know what. Everything continues to fall, slowly, only it never catches or gets caught up and naver takes a break. The house continues to fall and break the only thing to do is to watch it fall and let it happen.
December 21, 2009