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September 23, 2009
By , Rochester, NY
She looks at herself in the mirror, and thinks, “Who am I?” The answer is simple- no one.



Cross country is probably one of the most boring and monotonous sport there is. Why the girl decided to join it? Because she trained with her sister, and felt she was good like her. Was it like she imagined? No.

Being mentally exhausted from school, and then having to physically exhaust herself by running 6 miles everyday started sounding less and less fun each day.

While running with the team, the road just seemed endless. Almost like her life, where’s the fun? And why when she looks ahead does it all seem the same?

Each race seemed to get more and more torturous than before. I thought that as you progress throughout the season you get better. I guess not.

The look in the girls eyes when she runs just looks like, can this be over? I don’t even know how she does it, 3 miles is way too long.

Over time, she felt herself becoming weaker and weaker. Her B.M.I amounted to a measly 13.2. When she came in last place, after puking during the race, she decided this was the last straw. No more cross country.



Thank God she signed up for choir! She thought maybe she could escape through everything through music. The girl grew up with music in her house. Piano lessons, musicals her sisters starred in every year. She could probably recite every Broadway song there is.

So if that’s so true, why did she feel like she was going to throw up when the teacher asked her to sing in front of everyone? And why was she so quiet when she started?

She sang in front of people before. So why was it so difficult now? There are so many questions that are constantly left unanswered. Here’s another one, when can she get some answers?



Choir… definitely not as bad as voice. More specifically, a voice recital.

You can do this; you can do this she repeated silently to her self. She stepped in front of the microphone, heart pounding loudly in her ears. Wait! I take that back, you can’t do this! With the lights beaming in her eyes, and trying to ignore the anxiety creeping up her throat, she sang.

After the first verse, she choked. No! No no no! How embarrassing! Mentally kicking herself then taking a deep breath, she started again.

The way she was shaking when she got off the stage probably made an earthquake seem like a tiny rumble.

Yeah, that’s never happening again. That was the worst experience in her entire life. The nerves she got before a race were nothing compared to what she felt then.

Something about being possibly scarred from the recital mixed with the intimidation she felt from the seniors resulted in yet another downfall.

It’s just a choir concert! You’ll be singing with 80 other people. What’s the big deal?? Still no answer from this odd girl… really just toughen up will you!

Okay, now her knees are shaking, and she’s barely opening her mouth. Uhm hello… sing!!

What seemed like a whole 2 days in the girls mind, looking as if she’s seen a ghost she gets off the stage with the rest of the choir?



She looks at herself in the mirror, and thinks, “Who am I?” The answer is finally a simple one- no one.

She’s deciding to just bury herself in her school work from now on. No! Why are you giving up? How many things are you going to let go?

I’m not good at anything, that’s why. She answered.

Burying herself in her work wasn’t too difficult. Okay, so it got boring. But at least she was doing something. But why is it that everyone around her seems to be either in love with sports or music? Isn’t there more to life? Ugh!

In fact, she was so mad about her life that she decided to write about it. She felt as if she could let out all her anger. It moved from journals, to the computer. Her hands flew across the keyboard, never taking a break. It moved from little paragraphs, to stories. Eventually, she was addicted to writing.

Finally, I get a chance to say what I want to! I’m so sick of doing what my friends or my sisters are doing. Let me be myself!

And with that, the girl had a passion just like everyone else. So it’s not the most common thing, but it’s all hers.

She’s finding out who she is now. Each and everyday she’s learning more about herself, and hey she kind of likes herself now. Wait! She’s starting to realize something. That girl is me!





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farmgirlie_95 said...
Oct. 7, 2009 at 9:38 pm
I really like this article because it is basically how I, along with many people, feel. I don't feel like I belong in anything at all, and I like how your passion for writing comes out in your story. I'm sure a lot of people (myself included) wish that we had your talent for writing. Very good!
 
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