The Poison Pen Letter

September 11, 2009
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July 3, 2009 - Surfing the web, talking to friends, going through my everyday internet routine of checking Gmail, Facebook, and exploring Google - unsure of what I’m looking for. Friends are meant to last forever. Aren’t they? Shouldn’t they? Then why don’t they? Why can’t they? Unexpectedly, a year of memories is swept from under me - no longer allowed to enjoy them; knocking the wind from my soul. The strong, once stable girl that I had been has vanished.
       The pen is mightier than the sword. I’ve always believed this, but I guess I wasn’t ready for someone to prove it to me. I never thought my heart could cry, my soul could scream, or my anger could up and walk away. I thought some things were meant to stay forever. I thought my fear was my fear; my depression my depression; and my anger my anger. A place for everything and everything in its place. Right? Sound reasonable? Well, apparently I was wrong. I had been angry for so long, all that was left was tears.
       A living sword. “My friend stabbed me in my back right in front of my face,” people often complain to me about their “friends.” But I never took them one hundred percent seriously. This claim made me giggle. The more I thought about it, the more incomprehensible it became. Until it happened to me.
       August 7, 2008 - Don’t talk to strangers. Simply because meeting people online can be incredibly dangerous. But every once in a while it may turn your life around for the better. I never expected to meet my best friend through Facebook. It just happened. With the click of the mouse on my iBook G4, a friend request was sent to a complete stranger. A person that I didn’t yet know was a stranger. I was expecting an old friend - not a reply reading, “Do I know you?” We spent most of that week talking; realizing we were not only about to start in the same high school, but that we also had classes together. This was where our story began.
       A knife through my back. I was told that I had changed. Not necessarily for the better, and not necessarily for the worse - just that I had. Criticizing dislikes without examples of your distaste isn’t proving any point. Claiming I’ve changed when it’s clearly something bound to happen isn’t right. Telling me that the inevitable isn’t pleasant or to your liking isn’t fair. So why did you do it? WHY?
       Pleasure in pain? Was that it? Did you find pleasure in my complete emotional breakdown? Because if you did, then it wasn’t I that changed - but you. We all change. Everyday. So why criticize me on mine? I told you to “take a look in the mirror.” But you didn’t want to listen to me. You never did. And this was our problem.
       Truth? It’s time. After all your venting and criticism...do you feel better about yourself? Do you feel that you accomplished something? I sure hope you do because in my eyes, you’ve lost all the dignity you ever had. You can’t blame a breakup on someone, criticize them on their friendship with another person, and tell them that they’ve changed while still maintaining dignity. You most definitely cannot end a letter of hatred, full of criticism, disgust, and flat out contempt, with the words, “I miss who you used to be.” This hurt most of all, and why? Because they were the same words I’d been saying to you for the past month - only mine were the truth. You had changed, and your letter proved this to me.
       My response? You were partly right. I have changed - but not like you said. You sent me your words of repulsion, but you were never able to give me any examples. You sent insult after insult and never told me exactly what I did. All you ever said to me? “You’ve changed - and not for the better.” Well, here is where you’re wrong, and I owe part of this newly found revelation to you: Yes, I’ve changed, but in a way that I’ve gained more respect for myself. Thanks to you, your bossiness, and your boldness, I am now able to stand up for myself. It just took a year of listening to your orders to figure this out. So I guess all in all, meeting people online will most likely always be dangerous. But the weird thing about fate? We probably would have met anyway.
       Life lesson? I’d like to think not. Mainly because I hope that this will be a minor event in my life. When I told you that words last forever and that they always come back to haunt you, you replied saying, “No, they don’t. Remember, there’s always a delete button.” Well, not for me. There are certain things in life that cannot be erased. Unfortunately, memories aren’t one of them - instead, they are something both people possess. And if one decides to destroy them? Then they’re gone forever, because no matter how good the old times may have been, there will never be the same level of trust that once resonated there. Nevertheless, while memories might not be capable of withstanding the incurable disease of memory loss, words can. And this is the scariest fact of all. Because there won’t always be a delete key waiting to erase your mistakes and other people’s memories.





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This article has 5 comments. Post your own now!

JamieStarr said...
Jul. 13, 2010 at 2:16 am
you have impressed me yet again idk wat it is about your work but i always love it :)
 
NikkiG This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
Jul. 13, 2010 at 7:13 am

awww! thank you :)

really, that means a lot!

this is about a "friend" of mine that truly hurt me... but yea, that kind of shows in the piece... thanks again :)

 
crazyfortyler! said...
Sept. 21, 2009 at 5:35 pm
July 3 is my birthday!
 
Nikki G. This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
Sept. 21, 2009 at 5:39 pm
haha happy belated birthday!!
 
crazyfortyler! replied...
Sept. 22, 2009 at 2:05 pm
lol Thanks
 
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