Most are wrong. Most do not act upon logic, they do not reason with their doubts. They will hush them and pretend they don’t exist. Others are even they worse, they do not have doubts at all. Despite any differences these individuals may have, there is one thing in common with them: faith. Faith in a “lord” or “god”, a self contradictory being whose legistics are never thought about. I come across as angry and bitter, and yes, this is true. For us, the atheists, are looked down upon by the majority. Like most of my kind, I did not start off this way, like most, I was christian. There isn’t anything wrong with being christian, that is, that the other religions don't contain. Its just by far the most common of them, and the one I was part of.

My story starts off when I was born. More specifically, what I was born into. You see, My family was christian. So without any say, I was christian. They took me to church, they would read the bible sometimes before bed, and of course, they would always hush any of my doubts. My doubts were more prevalent than other kids, this was likely due to my religious beliefs not being the only thing I was exposed to. I loved to watch documentaries. I had a particular interest in paleontology, and because of this I loved three series in particular. They were, “Walking with Dinosaurs”, “Walking with Monsters” (life before dinosaurs), and “Walking with Beasts” (life after dinosaurs). It was the last the one that caught me off guard. It was the whole series introduced me to the concept of evolution, but the last one introduced me to something I never once thought about before. The idea of human evolution.

At the time, I was young, somewhere 3rd or 4th grade. I was baffled at the thought that we simply just “came from monkeys”. I had no problem with animal evolution, but human? I would always make excuses to myself about them. I would tell myself “those early humans were just other apes and they didn’t know it yet.” or “those scientists just don’t know what they’re talking about.” But eventually, I started to listen.

After that, came the stone monolith of a building known as “Middle School”. At this point, I’m stuck in a strange transition period of beliefs. I believe in evolution, but not human evolution. I know the ancient hominids existed, but I don’t think about them.  I know the naturally, but I thought god was that nature. I could go on, and on about this but that would double this essay’s word count alone. The point is, I’ve become much open to new ideas without even realizing it. Then along comes someone. I’m not going to say who they are, so for now, they are them. They were the to get me to lose ones my faith all together, and for that I’m grateful. But I’m never going to say this to them, because that's the opposite of what they wanted. They were not an atheist, but the opposite, a young-earth creationist. It was our debates on the topic of evolution that drove me to find the research I needed. Without realizing it, this person drove me farther away

trying to get me closer to faith like his. We are still friends to this day, we just lack similar viewpoints.

It wasn't that simple, however. Thanks to this person (and ancient history class), I was on the fence about the lord now more than ever. I finally admitted my lack of belief in one of the most unexpected places, on the car ride back from a hunting trip with my father. The sky was dark as night set in, the woods echoed the winds throughout. I remember we were talking about benefits behind some evolutionary traits of dinosaurs, when he looked at me. My father asked: “Knowing all of this, do you believe in god?” This one, little question shook my world a lot more than I expected. My entire life felt like it was building up to this one, single question. Since I was little, I had been practically brainwashed to believe in something larger than life. I finally was forced to think logically about this topic, and knowing all of this, I replied with one word: “No.” With that, my last little faith, barely holding on by a thread, was cut. Then my father exclaimed that he too, had lost his faith. My whole life, I had believed my entire family was christian. Now, I know that both him and my older sister share my viewpoint. My mother however, just accuses us of being the closed minded ones. I don’t know exactly how my father and sister reached this conclusion, but I’m 100% certain I reached it independent of whatever they thought. The only individual that influenced my decision even slightly was the one who tried to pull me into a stronger faith. However, I do however think that without him pushing my claims to the test, I would have told my father yes on that night.

I have such vivid memories of church as a child. The brightly colored lights, the sweet smell of the donuts they handed freely, and sound of children playing and screaming. I had fun playing and praying alike. I do not remember a lot of my childhood, but this was crystal clear. I regret these memories. It's rather ironic that the only things I can remember are the things I dread doing again. I want to make my message more clear then the water of the bahamas. Never be bias, never become opinionated, never value feelings over facts, always think logically.