Let's not sugarcoat my memory. Or memories, in this case. I've met so many people who meant the world to me. I've made so many bad decisions. So bad, I purposely forgot who I've become. Who I've wanted to become. I made a decision in forgetting who I was for a day. Nobody seemed to care that I didn't talk to them, first. But everybody seemed to care when I told them to 'go away' when they had problems.
You see, I'm a nice girl. Or so I had been told. I've always wanted to make people around me, happy. To have them smile at least once a day. One of those good girls who never got in trouble. I lived a double life. I go to school away from my home. At home, I'm nothing but trouble. I'm a mysterious girl no-one wanted to lose. At school, I'm the good girl who did nothing but smile. A girl whom everybody wanted, and eventually got. Not in the relationship kind of way, but in a way where I never pushed anyone away.
After everything I went through in mid-school. I started out my high school career far away, a fresh start. I met a boy, of course. Like every teenage movie, I fell in love. Like every teenage movie, I was hurt. But instead of pushing away people, instead of getting back with 'Prince Charming,' I surrounded myself with people and pushed him far away. Great decision, if he wanted nothing to do with me. Bad decision, if he wanted me back. He screwed up, more than plenty, and I took him back and gave him multiple chances.
I worked so hard to keep him happy, but that's when I woke up from my fake reality. Not all people want to be happy. Hell, not all people deserve to be happy. I really thought he did, he went through so much pain. And I tried to make it all disappear. I gave up everything for him. Bad choice, bad teenage movie.
Social experiment 1: Ear buds in - see how many people care
Result: No-one bothered me
Social experiment 2: Ear buds out - see how many people care
Result: Everyone tried to find out what was wrong after I wouldn't listen to their problems
MORAL: NOBODY WOULD CARE. ALMOST EVERYBODY IS SELFISH
MY POINT OF VIEW: WE ALL NEED SOMEONE TO CARE AT LEAST FOR A MINUTE. WHY AM I ANY DIFFERENT? WHY DO I N O T C A R E WHEN SOMEONE DOESN'T H A V E T I M E F O R M E? AREN'T I ENOUGH TO BE CARED FOR?
I put everyone else above me. I care about everybody else's happiness except mine. I need to change, I'm setting myself up for hurt.