Smoky Soul | Teen Ink

Smoky Soul

January 27, 2016
By fransantosrdz BRONZE, Monterrey, Other
fransantosrdz BRONZE, Monterrey, Other
4 articles 0 photos 1 comment

Favorite Quote:
“When adults say, “Teenagers think they are invincible” with that sly, stupid smile on their faces, they don’t know how right they are. We need never be hopeless, because we can never be irreparably broken. We think that we are invincible because we are. We cannot be born, and we cannot die. Like all energy, we can only change shapes and sizes and manifestations. They forget that when they get old. They get scared of losing and failing. But that part of us greater than the sum of our parts cannot begin and cannot end, and so it cannot fail.”


You will never know her smoky soul.

Chapter 1: Smoky Soul

She lit a cigarette, holding it between her teeth while she rummaged for a lighter from her bag.
I could feel a scream bubble up in the depths of my gut. The type of scream I’ve learned to control over the years.
The parent-y type of scream. The scream that comes with stern, patronizing tones and the pointy finger. I have learned to replace the patronizing tones for chill, collected ones, and the pointy index finger for the middle one.
So I said nothing and held my crap together as the twelve year old girl went to town with a 25-pack of Marlboros.
She lit a cigarette, then looked at our faces and flushed a little bit. She was the kind of smart that made you doubt everything you have ever believed. Heartbreakingly poetic. Refreshingly rebellious.
“Sorry...“ At least the girl had some shame.
“Do you guys want some?” Cursed at myself for making assumptions.
Why, yes. Of course I want a cigarette at a writing camp for nerdy middle schoolers in the middle of the preppy, prestigious Stanford University.
Ben spoke first. “Okay, you’re like nine. Stop acting like you’re better than us for skipping a few grades. Can we stop the 80’s grunge for a second and think about the consequences of what we’re doing here?”
I interrupted him before he could get too harsh. He went on anyway.
“Seriously, though, Professor Beard will be back any second and you’re gonna get kicked out of Stanford and then expelled if she sees you. Were you here during orientation? They went on about cigarettes for like twenty minutes. You’re risking expulsion. You won’t stand a chance at college here.”
She looked at us like we were aliens, then seemed to find home in her cigarette.
Thick columns of smoke crawled out of her nose and slightly parted lips.
She said the word like it was forbidden. A far-fetched fantasy.
“College.”
She seemed to ponder the idea for a bit, her fingertips brushing the grass, slightly holding on to the blades, like she was afraid she’d defy gravity and float her way to the stars.
She seemed unsure for a split second, but then her hands left the ground and she flew off into outer space again.
The nature engraved in her bones betrayed the potential of her intelligence.
I felt a sudden, jarring and crippling fear for this girl, and for the world without what this girl could make it. A fear that still whispers obscurities in low, somber hums.
She scoffed at the universe.
“I won’t make it past high school.”
She was lost, but not the good kind of lost. Maybe Ben and I were lost too, but at least we were looking.
She was the kind of lost where you don’t know you’re lost until it’s too late to find yourself.

Maybe she would.
I’ll never know.

She lit another cigarette.


The author's comments:

This is something that actually happened to me. I didn't include important names, or my name for that matter. 


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This article has 1 comment.


on Feb. 11 2016 at 12:27 am
Maculate_Dream DIAMOND, Riverside, California
71 articles 0 photos 83 comments

Favorite Quote:
I have not failed, I just found 10,000 ways to not succeed.

All that we see or seem is but a dream within a dream.

Very well organized and detailed, as if i was reading a book from the library. Intriguing and understandable, and makes me wanting more. You did a great job and I am looking forward to a second part.