Dear friend,
In a few days, it will be the anniversary of the death of my friend, and I don't know what to do. My friends know what they will do and say, where they will be and how they will talk to her loved ones. But, I don't know what to say. I know when i get to the grave, my usual knack for words will be lost, but I will not loose my composer. No friend, that is not me. I may have a cheerful persona, but when it comes to a serious situation like this, I am the rock of my friends. I am the shoulder they cry on and the hand they hold, but I never say anything. I can't. I can't find those perfect comforting words others can, those words that people will remember you for in times of sadness. My wordsmith ways skid to a stop, and I become as silent as the night. Now friend, I can't bring myself to understand why this is. Why, in these situations, I become someone who I'm not. Now, is this person I truly am? Adults say that, professionals say that. When things like this happen, your true self is revealed and the weak show themselves, along with the strong. Some say that I am being strong, protective of my friends, but am I? I stay stoic and I'm there for my friends, but I don't say those comforting words. That could make me worse than weak, make me unfeeling and cold. As if I don't feel the sorrow and pain that they do, but friend, that's not true! I miss her as much as they do, she was our sister and she is gone from this world. I understand that as much as they do, but they think I don't. Maybe, this is not about me understanding, it's about them understanding. Bringing these people to understand that I hurt with them, that I am not that unfeeling machine that I become during times like this. I apologize for troubling you like this, but no one understands. It's speaking to an empty cave, all they do is repeat what I've said, echo my words and thoughts. But I know what they say is hallow, they do not express their true thoughts. Thank you for listening, it means more then I can say, or type.

Sincerely, Lost in Apathy.