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The day my mom went to the hospital was as bright and sunny as any other. Mrs... Elder called me and Juliana and Mary down to the school office. At first I thought it was strange that we'd be leaving school so early. But then I realized that even Mary my six year old sister could guess why. Mom was going to have her baby. I hoped it was a boy, you see I was the oldest of five sisters and I really wanted a little brother. Juliana as usual was trying to explain to Mrs. Elder why something Mary said was wrong, when Dad came in with a smile on his face. The second we saw him everyone including Mrs.Elder tried to ask him twenty questions at once. Yes, mom had gone to the hospital. No, she hadn't had the baby yet. Yes, we probably had to go to school tomorrow. Question after question, until I got tiered of waiting. "Can we please go now?" I asked. Dad looked at me before he remembered "Oh yeah lets go." So we drove home and Dad gave us the usual do your chores and homework bit.

I remember how exited I felt that night. How much I prayed the baby would get here safely and maybe be a boy. How I made Dad promise that me and Juliana could go to the hospital to see the baby first. I didn't sleep a at all, only laid awake thinking about what it would be like to have a brother. He'd probably be a little miserable being the only boy in a house full of girls. The second I woke up that morning I was out of bed and in the kitchen. Dad was their with a tiered expression on his face."Is it a boy?" I asked, he nodded and went back to making sandwiches. "I have a brother." I whispered the words feeling strange. I could scarcely believe it. "I have a little brother!" This time loud for the whole world to hear. I finally had one! I had six little sisters and one little brother! You could not even imagine the joy I felt at that moment and I wanted to share with the whole world.

When I got to school and was trudging up the stairs, I crossed paths with Mrs. Runyan and my whole eighth grade class tromping down the stairs. "Hi Anna." she said, just before she got to the door she stopped whirled around and asked. "Did your mom have her baby?" "Yeah" "Is it a boy?" "Yes!" I said feeling my whole face light up. "Yeeees!" Mrs. Runyan exclaimed throwing her hands in the air with excitement and then hurrying along to mass. I took the stairs two at a time and dumped my back had somehow found out about the baby and announced."The Little's finally had a boy!" to the entire congregation. Everyone stood up and clapped. I remember how incredibly happy I felt at that moment, how everything was perfect. The months passed by after that and little Michael was perfect with his big blue eyes and round cheeks. He was the most beautiful baby I've ever seen. I'm not exaggerating because he's my brother he was the most beautiful bundle of joy this world has ever known. Christmas was wonderful that year probably the best ever. Because Michael made our lives so much more fun and he always did something new. Everyone was at our house that year it was one of those moments when everything was so perfect I couldn't even dream for more. After Christmas things started rolling into the normal routine again. I didn't pay attention to Michael as much because I was so busy. Not to mention the every day dramas and disappointments that made me take for granted the things I loved most. Looking back I realize how perfect my life was duing that time.

Then the rain came just like it always does. It was a normal Friday I had gone to school, spent the whole day thinking about the weekend and dozing off through pretty much every class. I remember the sun had set unusually early that day and when I got home it was dark and there were no stars in the sky. I came in dumped my backpack on the floor and went into the family room to watch whatever my Grandpa was watching. I don't know how long I stayed in there until I heard the screaming. It wasn't really loud screaming and with 7 kids in the house it's always pretty loud. But something just didn't feel right, I felt like someone put their hand on my shoulder and nudged me off the couch. I remember walking up the hall towards the kitchen,peaking from behind the door I saw Michael laying on the table his face was blue, he wasn't moving. Dad was on the phone with the ambulance he,was shouting something into the phone. Sirens were ringing in my ears, my brother, my bundle of joy, what had happened to him? It was at that moment that the world stopped spinning. No,sound reached my ears. All the color in the room faded. I felt nothing. "Anna! Anna! The ambulance can't find our house you need to go outside and wave to them!" But I couldn't, I couldn't move, I could just stand their watching. I felt someone grab my arm and yank me outside. I found myself running my bare feet pounding against the concrete. I stood their on the side of the street waving and jumping and screaming as the cars flew by. The ambulance found our house thank God. But is it enough , I thought as they rushed into the house and took our bundle of joy away.

I gathered my sisters and my Grandpa together and we all stumbled down stairs. Sitting on the worn leather sofa we began to pray hail Mary's. The phone rang it was Dad asking if Grandpa could drive us to the hospital. My Dad came up to the car door and I'll never forget the look on his face when he said "He didn't make it." Four simple words that tore my heart out. I don't really know what I felt at that point fear, anger, sorrow, confusion, it was as if they were all jumbled up in a giant mixing bowl. We marched into that hospital and I could feel the way they looked at us as if we were some puppy without a home. I felt my face grow hot, I didn't want to be someone's pity project I wanted my brother back.

I couldn't sleep that night my stomach churned and twisted itself into knots I couldn't untie. I wanted to let it out I wanted to to scream my head off and then cry all night, but I couldn't. When the sun finally appeared that morning the first thought that entered my mind was that it all had been a very bad dream. I leaped out of bed, ran downstairs, only to find Michael's cradle empty. I stumbled upstairs and no sooner had I gotten dressed when the doorbell rang. It was one of moms friends, Mrs.Carmona. I opened the door and she smiled at me , handed me a basket full of homemade bread, said she was sorry and then left. About twenty minutes later the door bell rang again more people came in with food,clothes, blankets, stuffed animals and all sorts of stuff. My parents were up by then and the door bell didn't stop ringing all day and kept ringing, by the end of the week our house looked like a shopping mall with a refrigerator full of a life time supply of food and a house full people.

The funeral was awful and wonderful at the same time everyone that we'd ever even been acquainted with was their. The church was packed and afterwards the reception lasted almost three hours people just pouring their hearts out to me and my family. I can not even begin to describe what all those people did for us in the weeks to come. But even though the pain never went away or never even dulled and I doubt it ever will. The point is that it was and is for a reason and even though I might never know what it was "When God closes a door somewhere he opens a window." I got through it and I'm still getting through it and even if I fall I know I will always have the strength to get back up and keeping walking towered the light. Because He will always be with me until the end of time.



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Whompingwillow said...
Jan. 20, 2013 at 6:25 pm
wow i got goosebumps reading this! I'm reallly sorry for your loss, I'm sure it must have been absolutely heart wrenching to lose someone so close. but your baby brother is in heaven right now in a better place :)
 
Rolledthestone This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Jan. 10, 2013 at 11:36 am
Oh my goodness. I am so sorry. I'm the second oldest in a family of three girls and a little brother. He can be the most annoying guy in the world but after reading this sotry I'm going to go home and hug him. Keep your faith in God. He will never hurt you. If you need a really great but sad song to listen to I recommend Ed Sheeran Small Bump. OMG. Just touching.
 
3dancer This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
Jan. 10, 2013 at 1:20 pm
Thanks yeah I know it's really sad. But I felt a lot better after writing it you know. Just getting it all down on paper made it seem better. :)
 
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