Diary: S*** Happens

September 12, 2011
How could I have let myself be fooled? I’ve always tried to be the kind of person who doesn’t fall for that. The fact of the matter though, is that is did happen to me. Sitting in the woods, crying for two hours. I’m so mad at myself for not listening to the people who love me. So mad because I knew it was going to happen. So mad because I let myself get caught up in the moment.
I loved the moment though. It was some of the best moments of my life. I felt things I hadn’t felt before and it gave me a chance to feel more for someone. It gave me a sense of understanding. A sense of hope. A sense of people. It taught me who I can trust. It taught me who knows best. It taught me about people.
I fell for you because you let me. I fell for you because you gave me hope. I fell for you because I believed in you. I fell for you because I knew you were good. We all fall for things. It could be a trick or something real. Whether it is or not we have to love what we went through. We are so much stronger in the end.
My favorite thing someone says to me is “get over it”. It happened to me so I can’t just “get over it”. Sorry life doesn’t work that way. S*** happens and we do need to get over it. We don’t have to do it fast though. We can take our time and think about everything until we are ready to move on. Moving on is a big step and it can’t be done in a day.
The best advice I could ever give someone is to cry. When you’re hurting, just cry. Go lock yourself in a room for a little bit and let it all out. I love to cry. That may sound morbid but I always feel so much better afterwards. It’s almost a way of therapy. I feel refreshed and although the situation doesn’t change, I feel like it becomes easier to
“move on”.
If you wonder why I put move on in quotes its for this reason: We can never move on from something. It will always be a part of us and affect us. We will think about it time and again, especially if we see something that reminds us of it. Things that are bad, can’t just be forgotten. It’s usually the worst times in life that people tend to remember most. We remember the happy times but we don’t see them in the same way. When we want to be happy or are upset about something bad that happened, we remember the good times. They might make us laugh or smile for a second, but that doesn’t fix the problem. We go right back into that state of depression as soon as the moment is gone. The bad times are typically the times that affect us the most. We us those experiences, more often than not, to change our way of thinking and look out for others like the ones we have been hurt by. I’m not saying we don’t use the good times as well, because we do. Those are the times we look to, to make us laugh and smile. We use those to find people who have the ability to do that for us.
Life is full of shitty situations. Most of them we cannot avoid, although there are a good majority that we can. Our gut is never wrong. We might think it is because we want something else, but it is never wrong. I like to think of our gut as a part of our conscious. They communicate to one another and try to over power our thinking of ‘this is okay’ when it really is not.
We are human. We make mistakes and we have to live with them. It’s the way we choose to live with them that makes us a better person. Don’t try to be a rock when you aren’t. Don’t try to be a pillow when you can’t. Don’t try to run away when you know you’ll be found. Don’t try to stay when its just not possible. Be who you are. Learn from what you’ve done, whats happened to you, and what you’ve gone through. Those are the biggest things in life that will tell people you are beautiful, you are strong, and you are here to stay.





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