The Message.

I spend time with Jesus everyday and talk to Him. I know I may not hear an answer back, but I always know when he is there. I can feel his presence. A time when I really needed Him was when I found out I couldn’t talk to or see my real brothers.

My birth mom, Melissa, has had five kids, all with a different dad that we know of. I am the second oldest. As of right now, she has custody of two of them. Dezeray and J.D. They are the two youngest. Andrew (who is the oldest) and Christopher (who is a year younger than I) live in Wisconsin with my adopted parents’ (Chuck and Susie) old friends. Their friendship was demolished after Andrew got to be with them, and I had to go to Chuck and Susie.

In March of this year, 2010, my adopted sister, Sam, found Andrew on Facebook. I was very excited because I wanted to just talk to him so bad. I met him once when I was a baby, so I don’t remember it. I thought this was my chance to finally talk to someone in my immediate family besides Melissa, Dezeray, and J.D. While my sister talked to him, to explain whom she was and who wanted to talk to him, I was thinking about what I would say to him. Would he like me? Would he think I’m acting to mature for my age? What would he think of me? I was so nervous; I didn’t know what to say.

My sister suddenly got up and walked into the kitchen. She told Susie he got off and probably wouldn’t be on until the next day. My heart sank and my face went solemn. I asked them if I would still be able to talk to him. Susie looked at me sadly.

“Maybe not,” she said. I asked her why and she said I wasn’t allowed to unless we got permission from his parents. I knew this wouldn’t end up too well. They hadn’t talked in years, but they gave it a try.

That night, Chuck sent a heart-felt letter through Facebook asking if I could talk to him. The letter was so nice, and coming from Chuck, it was amazing. The next day came and I asked if they responded. They hadn’t. Another day passed.

And another.

Finally my adopted parents said they had replied. I asked if I could read the letter they sent, and I could. I was so happy! I opened up the message that they sent and started reading. My smile started to fade, tears welled up in my eyes daring me to blink to let them fall. This wasn’t right…. This wasn’t the way it was supposed to be!

I’m not allowed to talk to him. They didn’t want me talking to him because it would influence us both to want to meet in person. How cruel! I wanted so bad to punch something! I got up and left the room. I wanted to be alone and Chuck and Susie both knew that. I was so worn out.

I felt so alone that rest of the day. I was glad school was the next day. I just wanted something else to do to get this off my mind. Suddenly a strange feeling started to seep into my skin, crawling through my veins and into my heart. The feeling was sensational; like nothing I ever felt before. He was here. With me, when no one else was. I didn’t fight His presence. I started to talk to God like I was talking to a friend. Slowly, the tears started to fade away. I prayed harder. I didn’t need to feel bad about Andrews’ parents’ decision. God reminded me that everyday is a day closer to peace. I will soon be reunited with Andrew and Christopher. We will be happy someday.

With the sorrow swept away, I started singing a few lines from a song:
Lead me, with strong hands.
Stand up, when I can’t.
Don’t leave me, hungry for love, chasing dreams.
Oh, what about us?
Show me you’re willing to fight.
That I’m still the love of your life…

This song comforts me in a way that God does. I’m glad I have Him in my life.