Dear Darius (inappropriate, but real)

March 30, 2010
Dear Darius,




This isn’t fake, it may be letter from an overreacting, crazy in love, teenager..but this isn’t fake. Let me explain, Darius, is the boy I have been dating for 6 months. Half a year. We were supposed to spend spring break together, and we had that plan, until something happened. Darius didn’t call, for days, until I showed up at his house March 29th, the day I started losing my head. Four days, he didn’t make one peep. When I saw him it was like seeing someone I never knew. He told me he loved me, and he would always want to be with me forever, but that doesn’t change the silence that soaks through my ears through Spring Break. This is the messages that I sent him, which he never read. It’s like a diary, where my heart is pouring out, with guts on the carpet. This is Dear Darius, and I hope you don’t hate it. Btw, this is real, so there will be spelling errors, and swearing, my apologies. Theres only a few changed names, for the innocent, or the too pathetic to be named.



Darius T. March 29 at 1:12pm

Darius, this is your supposedly fucking girlfriend. you havent talked to me since friday, its FUCKING MONDAY. are we over? did i miss something? you're breaking my heart. so much has happened the past few days. you don't even know. thats for ruining everything. this relationship. must be clearly over. because you didn't fight when you had the chance. so great, im happy you're letting me go. no really. im not. im fucking confused now. good job. now i dont know what i want. i dont know what to fucking do. this has been the worst few days of my life. and i honestly wish i can go back to the hospital. part of me wishes i never met you. because you have caused me so much hurt. im sorry if i ruined ur family. whatever. i loved you, and you took advantage. i told you to change, and you wouldn't. your such a stubborn asshole. go be alone. or fuck ******, since u have a naked picture of her. thanks darius. for ruining everything. its great to know you never answered.

Brittney Elizabeth W. March 29 at 3:15pm

seeing you, scared the shit out of me. i wanted to say so much more. im sorry. i am so afraid of losing you. its been like a half hour, and im still hyperventilating. i realized how much i love you. please still love me. dont let them brainwash you. please. i love you so much. it hurts. i knew i did all along. it just took me time to feel it. this happens every spring break. so you have to understand. i always get hurt around this time. always. please, i dont wanna lose you. im so scared. idk why. i cant even breathe. maggie and kayla, and jamie r taking care of me. im coming back over around five. to hopefully tell you how much i love you. please, still be you. look in our scrapbook. just please don't forget us. i can barely hold on without you. idk why ur doing so well without me. i love you, please. dont let this go to waste. forever and always <3 right.


Brittney Elizabeth W. March 30 at 1:40am

you changed your password....or i just cant get it right, to see if you could still call..why are you being this way? i finally open up. and be weak for one time in my life....and you punish me. please tell me you didn't mean it. the way you looked at me today. like you hated me. john kissed me. i pushed him off. it didn't feel right. i told him that. that i knew that that was wrong. and i hit him. i know it was scary to you, but i wanted to tell you right away. i came back...you weren't there...are you disappearing on me? i feel so stupid. you're making me look stupid. like i'm chasing you. why do i have to chase you..are we not supposed to be together? i am in shock. so im just going to be randomly mumbling like this...and crying. because idk what the fuck is going on...dont hurt me. i dont want us to break up.






Brittney Elizabeth W. March 30 at 2:17am

baby, i feel like you're hurting me. and i can't trust you. i didn't kiss john. i swear on my life. he kissed me. you didn't give me time to explain. i pushed him off and said no. it felt wrong. so wrong. it was nothing like i wanted. i wanted to tell you that. kissing you..is way different. its something beautiful. i wanted to tell you how sorry i was. i wanted to crumble into your arms. and tell you that you could kill me. you never called. i went to bed at 8:30 waiting for you to call. i'm so scared. im shaking. im trying to talk to you...but you won't call. please don't get back at me. (in florida) you told me you would always love me. i messed up. i think you changed ur password on facebook. but you didn't message back, does this mean you hate me? every spring break this has happened, since seventh grade...do you understand? its like...in the air to leave me. alyssa's baby was born yesterday, i was so freaked out about everything that i didn't get the chance to tell you. she had a baby girl. i'm afraid. i just called. i feel so stupid and crazy. what about when you would cry...over us. do you not care anymore? i told you..that i was afraid that one day this would happen. you would just...wake up...and not give a fuck. i knew i loved you from the moment i met you. and here i am. finally off of meds. feeling...everything and...its fucking scary. i thought you would be here for me. and you disappeared on me. i feel like everyones in on some joke...and im the punchline. i want to throw up. im just afraid. dont be like jake...or nick, or anyone. be you. please. because i loved you the way you were. i still love you. but i feel like ive been slapped, and beaten by you. right now. the look you gave me...i feel like i wanna die. what were you wearing? you looked so pale, in the tanktop...you didn't even look like you missed me. idk what to believe. ill write novels to you everyday. until monday...i promise. just...call. or write back. tell me if its over. because if it is i wanna switch out of english. maybe out of lakes. i dont like this feeling. i feel like im watching the notebook on repeat. ive never been away from you for so long. dont come back a changed person. im crying so much now...the silence is whats making me upset. because i dont know how you feel anymore. i should know..but i dont. what if you're different? i just want you to tell me you love me. and that everythings going to be okay. what if its not? what if you hate me...i love you. please...dont torture me.

Darius T. March 30 at 8:03am

baahaha, i thought you changed ur password. you didnt...im just a ri-tard. well now i am feeling a little bit better. see...thats how much i really care..when im not forced to be a zombie. to be honest..i'm going to let you choose when we get back to school. if you want me to be a bitch..or a cry baby. i really hope that you'll check this when your in florida. you never called me. which was really really really really really mean. i never expected a lie from you like that. so much happened when i saw you. so many emotions hit me, i didnt know to hug you or to run. i should've hugged you. i shouldve asked when you were leaving, or when you would call. or to go on facebook soon. i should've said so much. but i didnt. i was afraid. i can only wish you felt the same way. that i havent turned you cold. that i havent broken your heart. we hurt eachother, on accident. but someday we won't. if you want there to be a someday. im sorry if i acted crazy...but thats how you act sometimes. at the sled hill. outside of my house on the porch. you've been there. i know it must have been petrifying to you to see me so weak. i told you..i could be weak if i wanted to be. if i felt it. i have to take my medication, until you come home. because i can't be that weak, its dangerous for me. you looked at me like i was mad, when i said theres no point of life without you, but those words came out of your mouth too once. dont you remember? all the times you said "i cant live without knowing you love me" "i can't live without you" "i would be alone forever if you left me" i told you others said that too. i just hope you're not like them, i pray. omg. i have been praying so much it hurts. but atleast i know god forgives me for my stupidity, i just hope you will. now im more back to myself...its weird. isnt it. im feeling okay now. maybe numb. i might try again to stop by and talk, if ur there. i just wish the phone wasn't on mute. or that you could sleep knowing i need to talk to you. what if you dont' love me anymore? it would make sense, since your not answering the phone. its only 6 days. that i wont be able to talk to you. i just hope you don't be like everyone else...and forget me in those six days. if you do..it means something. if you don't...then i'm really going to trust you, with my life. with everything. knowing that you won't hurt me anymore. knowing that you're the one i want to spend forever with. this is the ultimate test darius. and if you fail. then im stuck at square one. but if you pass.....i will never worry about you again. i love you. i will explain everything when you come home. there was so much to what happened with john. i promised you i did the loyal thing to do. i promise. he wanted to borrow your sweatpants. thinking they were mine. i told him to eat shit. he tried to touch ant. and i took him away and kissed him. i will always love you, even if you ruin me. but i guess that as soon as you would ruin me..id be shipped into a different state. i love you, please call soon. i wanted to say bye before you left. i hope you bring our scrapbook..<3
<3Lizzie

ps. im going to do this for every single day of break. to show you how much i love you. and to show you what i really write in my journal. forever & always





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This article has 2 comments. Post your own now!

SJUYannick said...
Mar. 5, 2013 at 8:11 pm
Love is such a bitch sometimes.. I was talking to this girl and she totes smashed another dude and said it was an "accident"..What am I supposed to do with "an accident"?
 
love374 said...
Apr. 7, 2010 at 7:11 pm
omg I love my boyfriend did that to me too on spring break we were together for 5 months............. what a butt
 
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