Chocolate Chip Ice Cream & Cancer

November 10, 2009
By Impractically.Yours SILVER, Pasadena, California
Impractically.Yours SILVER, Pasadena, California
8 articles 0 photos 16 comments

Favorite Quote:
The unspoken word doth no harm.
Kossuth


We met on the first day of high school, it was an odd meeting, but I guess it was a suitable meeting for our odd relationship.

I had received a cup of chocolate chip ice cream from a lunch lady who had known my Mother. As I sat down, a wavy, brown-haired boy with remarkable sapphire eyes approached the table where I sat alone, he was grinning.

"Can I have some of your ice cream?", he asked.

"Who said I had ice cream?", I was suspicious, after all, I wasn't terribly good-looking and it was my first day.

"Well, uh, I asked if the cafeteria had any ice cream and one of them told me you took the last one", he motioned towards the lunch ladies. "Besides, it's my favorite!"

Traitors.

"Fine, it's also my favorite". I slid the cup across the table, and resumed eating my lunch, because as you know, it is better to give than to receive.

He sat down across from me, amid murmurs of approval from his football friends.

"Ignore them, I'm Jay, the lunch ladies tell me your name is Victory, so.... will you tell me about yourself?", he questioned, in between bites of my coveted treat.

"Why?"

"Because, it's inevitable", he smiled as if that was the clearest answer anyone had ever thought of.

"What is... inevitable?", my brain continued to dislike this intruder, but, embarrassingly, my heart was beginning to melt.

"You and me, we are like chocolate chips and ice cream, we go perfectly together!"

I opened up to him, and told him everything, about my mom, and the dad who hated me, about my dead friend who was struck by lightning. I told him about my hobbies and my fears, my loves and my hates.

And in turn he told me about his guitar which was signed by a multitude of guitar legends, and his sports, and his dog, and the Grandma who sent him constant love through the phone and the mail box. He told me of his love for the color blue, how it matched his eyes, and how he loved chocolate chip ice cream, even though I insisted I knew about that already. He told me about his homeless friend who gave him guitar lessons, and the uncle who let him ride horses at his ranch. I was jealous, he was surrounded by love, friends and family. I was a nobody, with no mother, a father who didn't care, and long bangs to hide my face in class. But here was someone surrounded by love, willing to escape for a few moments to bring me into his life, and claim me as his. This was our love.

Stupid disloyal heart, but I was falling for this wonderful boy, who was much too perfect for me.

In the months following, we carefully cultivated our relationship, as a farmer grows his prize-winning vegetables. We were careful to be honest and to be true to one another. Our relationship was real, it was a gem, he was my only true love, and the love we shared could only be replicated by sharing chocolate chip ice cream, yes, we both loved it that much.

In September, I noticed something different about his step, his moods, and his light-heartedness, something had changed inside him, and I patiently waiting for weeks for him to open up to me about it.


-


It was on our anniversary that he decided it was a perfect time to tell me.

"I have cancer, darling. But I promise you, it's not life-threatening, the doctors say with a few months of treatment I should be fine", he said as gently as he could, such news as this can break apart relationships as easily as rag dolls.

I ignored him for 2 days prior to that, but then I shamefully realized that he needed more consoling than I did.

I finally replied to messages that declared that everything was fine, and agreed to meet him soon.

Nothing was fine, at least not anymore.

One day, I succumbed to go for ice cream, it was a cold, windy day, hardly suitable for a frozen treat, and much less for the death of someone you love but I still needed to be with him.

We walked down the street to Farley's his arm around my shoulder, an average couple, at least in view. In depth we were two people suffering from an unfortunate illness, the unaffected one picturing herself in more pain than he, after all, who really believed in doctors?

We ordered our favorite ice cream, and sat down. And only as the first bite crossed his lips did I realize something was truly wrong.

His mouth turned into a frown, the rest of his face contorting into pain, his hands held his stomach as if there was a firework inside, ready to take off as soon as it was released.

Panic seized my mind and I could only think of getting him into the hospital, as if everyone that was submitted there lived.

He was sleeping peacefully, past his sudden attack, me watching him, when all of a sudden his monitor alarms went crazy. Nurses flooded the room, he managed to choke out,

"Vicky... I love you". Then the grey hand of death slowly pulled him from me as slowly and quietly, and he was gone, forever.

This was all I got, as a goodbye, no hours of crying together, expressing their eternal love?

My mind was a whirl of cold and hot, of memories and emotions, of my own mother who was the principal of my high school, who had died giving birth to me, the only product of her pain. I was a poor excuse for her, a poor substitute. Was Jay really in a better place? I was certainly not.

I finally found my voice but the only think I could say was to scream,

"You promised, Jay! You promised!", I slid into the arms of Jay's mother, who grudgingly held me, who believed that I had killed him.
He had promised, but he had not been able to control the results.

I cried silent tears, while Jay's mother looked at his peaceful face calmly, as if wanting to believe it was all a dream.

My brain was weeping for this gorgeous boy who I didn't deserve, for the thought of never seeing his profoundly deep blue eyes again, never to share ice cream or a kiss. But my heart refused to believe he was gone.

Stupid disloyal heart, stupid chocolate chip ice cream, stupid cancer, stupid ME!

I did not attend Jay's memorial, I never spoke to his parents again.

I only visit his grave on our anniversary, I sit next to him and tell him how I miss him. I do this amid bites of a half-pint tub of chocolate chip ice cream, because, he would have deserved it. I will never love again. Jay was too precious to me and no one can ever mend the deep tear in the farthest part of my heart. Whenever I see someone with blue eyes, or Chocolate Ice Cream, I cry sadly because these, and his prized guitar are the only memories I have of his true and precious love for me. My heart will only be truly mended, when our good and gracious God decides to take me to be with Him, and then I will be reunited with Jay in eternal peace and love, free of cancer, and stupid disloyal hearts.


The author's comments:
My boyfriend Jay died on September 15th. I will never get over it. I will do my best to move on. I wanted to share some of my pain, as writing eases it greatly.

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This article has 33 comments.


on Oct. 14 2016 at 4:04 pm
Amazing!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Shay<3 said...
on Mar. 5 2015 at 10:22 am
This story is sad but oh so very beautiful.. I love your writin and your truth here, astounding job. This story scares me because both me and my boyfriend have a chance for cancer and neither of us really know for sure but I really hope you, lovely, can find someone who loves you as much as he loved you. I hope you know he is watching over you

on Oct. 7 2014 at 6:44 pm
Omg I love this story how they met is so cute I want to cry so bad it's touching how meeting someone in the strangest way can turn out to be forever

said...
on Sep. 19 2014 at 10:36 am
So awsomeisticus it made me sad then when I read it loud it sounded...Weird since I'm a guy and all but still, I'm sorry this had to happen to you.

jaaaaaye said...
on Sep. 26 2012 at 2:24 pm
this is so sad :(

railley said...
on Sep. 26 2012 at 2:24 pm
GREAT STORY  i like it alot hoe you feel better and sorry for your lost.

on Sep. 21 2012 at 12:11 pm
Miss_Lady SILVER, Cairo, New York
6 articles 0 photos 8 comments

Favorite Quote:
"In a world where you can be anything, be yourself."

This really touched my heart. The way you talked about your story, the way you told us... It was so beautifully written. I felt so much empathy towards you. I hope that your heart heals with time and that you are able to love again or that you find closure and are able to live happily.

deanna98 said...
on Aug. 29 2012 at 6:19 pm
Reading this, I had the strangled, smarting sensation of wanting to cry but not being able to. I am just so sorry this happened. I can't wait to meet Jay in Heaven; he sounds like an amazing guy. I hope, in time, your heart will heal.

on Jun. 13 2012 at 8:17 pm
EllieSwims BRONZE, Arlington, Massachusetts
1 article 0 photos 8 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Life without goals is like a race without a finish line."
~Anonymous

My friend's mom whom I knew very well just passed from cancer after about 6 years. This was so good. I loved "the grey hand of death".

on Apr. 20 2012 at 12:53 am
MysteriousWounds GOLD, Staten Island, New York
13 articles 0 photos 5 comments

Favorite Quote:
~Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind.~

i'm sorry you had to go through something like that

this is a strong writing with  lot of emotion

good job


on Mar. 7 2012 at 1:07 pm
magentarose BRONZE, Bessemer, Alabama
1 article 0 photos 3 comments
this is beautiful

-Duckie- GOLD said...
on Jan. 23 2012 at 12:06 pm
-Duckie- GOLD, West Fargo, North Dakota
18 articles 0 photos 127 comments

Favorite Quote:
Your heart is a weapon the size of your fist. Keep fighting. Keep loving.
-Anonymous

OMG I was tearing up. I am so deeply sorry for your loss. Please keep writing. I swear it will help your pain. Thank you.

on Dec. 10 2011 at 11:43 pm
otherpoet SILVER, Wayland, Massachusetts
6 articles 9 photos 254 comments

Favorite Quote:
"For beautiful eyes, look for the good in others; for beautiful lips, speak only words of kindness; and for poise, walk with the knowledge that you are never alone." - Audrey Hepburn

does it get any better written than this? I think I heard once that first love never leaves, and this is a perfect example. Thanks for sharing this with the world :D

on Nov. 2 2011 at 7:03 pm
Unkown_Yasminnx3 BRONZE, Corona, New York
2 articles 0 photos 4 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Love is Just a word until Some one comes along and gives it a meaning"

this story was very touching, i almost started tearing up

on Apr. 24 2011 at 6:19 pm
RedheadAtHeart ELITE, Mountain Home, Idaho
109 articles 0 photos 165 comments

Favorite Quote:
Love with open hands. - Madeleine L'Engle

I bawled like a baby. This is so much better than Romeo and Juliet.

on Mar. 23 2011 at 5:12 pm
SparksFly13 BRONZE, Brewster, Massachusetts
2 articles 0 photos 5 comments

Favorite Quote:
\"To me, Fearless is not the absense of fear. It\'s not being completely unafraid. To me, Fearless is having fears. Fearless is having doubts. Lots of them. To me, Fearless is living in spite of those things that scare you to death.\" ~Taylor Swift

I am so so sorry. Your beautiful writing made me cry. Keep holding on <3

on Mar. 19 2011 at 9:48 pm
edgeofnight BRONZE, Buenos Aires, Other
4 articles 0 photos 15 comments

Favorite Quote:
“If ever there is tomorrow when we're not together.. there is something you must always remember. you are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think. but the most important thing is, even if we're apart.. i'll always be with you.”

You made me cry big time. I am so, so sorry for your loss and everything you've had to go through, but I also think you are truly brave to expose something as precious as this, I admire you. I hope you can find your way to being whole again, and in the meantime I wish you the best of luck.

on Dec. 23 2010 at 4:27 pm
Sacrifice018 SILVER, Griffin, Georgia
9 articles 0 photos 23 comments
I  love it but, I'm so incredibly sorry for your loss. I hope that one day you will find a guy similar to Jay. And i know he would want you to be happy.... But I know just as well as you do no one will EVER replace Jay.. Happy Holiday, keep writting.

WhiteShadows said...
on Oct. 17 2010 at 5:45 pm
WhiteShadows, Ocala, Florida
0 articles 0 photos 38 comments

Favorite Quote:
You've gotta work like you don't need the money/love like you'll never be hurt/
Sing like no one is listening/ and live like it's heaven on Earth.-Anonymous

Sad story.

Great Story.

Scary story.

Love story.

REALLY GOOD!


_marley01 said...
on Sep. 26 2010 at 9:19 pm

wow, this was really outstanding. i could never even imagine being in a situation like yours. i give you alot of credit for being strong and choosing to vent through writing..

i'm also sorry for your loss.





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