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Can I Be Blamed?

Can I be blamed for how I act around my father? When he sent me away to live with my mom, with out my other half, with out my twin?

Dont I have the say on where and with whom I wish to live, even if I am only seventeen?


I asked numerous times. Too many to count. I called him on the phone, he called me. I asked every time if I could just come home. Sure vacations are one thing, but what if I want to graduate in NY? Why dont I have a choice? This was supposed to be my senior year.

My grandmother told me to put off asking for a while. She said it would make due to have a conversation, and he wouldnt be under pressure. But what could possibly put him under pressure? He got rid of me! Its was never enough anything I did for him when i was home but now nothing is EVER enough for him. However, I did listen to her and put off asking for a long time, I forgot how to ask to come home. I was still miserable even thought my mom would have liked to say different.

-Dont give me that- she would say. -You have fun with these new friends no different than in New York-.

But the truth was it that is was different. I still dont know these people, and they wont take the time to spend with me because they work and have lives of their own.

My mom after a while would password the computer and take away the phone and I wouldnt be able to talk to anyone from New York for a long time. She took my cell phone so I cant talk to anyone I never knew a phone number to reach them at. She said the only way to get it back would be to get a job. I am all to willing to get a job, really I am, but not here. Why would I want to get a job somewhere I dont want to be? What the hell could I possibly buy? A car? And go where? No where.

I told her I'd get one, I'm looking because I want my phone back, but what I want is a car to get out the moment I turn 18.

She said I needed saving, according to my dad, I was killing my self she said. I wasn't doing anything.

I didnt do drugs, I wasnt involved in gangs. I had a boyfriend but he was perfect and nice, he never beat me, nothing.

My dad trying playing the --you only want to come back because of a boy-- card. Yea, no. A boy is not THAT important to me. I want to graduate in New York. And with my mom bickering about getting a job? I had a job waiting for me in september! With my sister as a hostess. They could have saved themselves the heartbreak and stress.

For Christmas I was supposed to go to New York. Well that didnt happen, my mom cancelled the ticket. I havnt seen New York since I left. My mom said I was going torun away once I hit the border.

When we dropped off my sister back in New York when she visited in February, I asked my dad why I couldnt stay, why I was in North Carolina in the first place, considering I never got an answer. He again never gave me the answer he just said my attitude never changed.

Can I be blamed in his presence? Can I be blamed to hate him and my mother? They planned it for 2 months and then broke the news to me 2 weeks before school.

But what does my mom care? She at least has one of her oldest daughters? Shes enjoying my time with her, and I hate her for not caring about how I feel about the whole situation.



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