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Breakup Letter This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine.

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Dear Windows Internet Explorer,

Our relationship has been strained for a long time. Of course, it’s not all your fault, nor is it all mine. Our intermediary is also to blame: my hated Gateway (insert string of numbers hidden somewhere on the computer’s body, necessary for purchase of any software) PC, which runs far too slowly and far too aggravatingly. But that does not get you off the hook.

You see, Windows Internet Explorer, I can no longer deal with your ridiculous loading time. Sure, at one time I found it attractive – even sexy – for my browser to take ages to log in or load a webpage. But not anymore. My life is fuller than it was, and I don’t have time for you to semi-load and then stop.

Also, as much as I loved it when we got together, your refusal to log me in to some of my necessary accounts, such as e-mail and MySpace, has become a problem. It was unfair of you, and I should not have submitted to your cruelty and mistreatment.

A third reason for my leaving you may seem mean: you are simply far too sickly. You are constantly contracting new viruses, and your immune system is terrible. I don’t have the time or the money to care for you anymore. It may seem unfair, but you will have to survive on your own. I cannot keep healing you, going through and finding all your corrupted files, cleansing our intermediary’s system because you have given it some virus, bug, or spyware. It takes far too much time and energy, which I do not have.

Windows Internet Explorer, you did wonderful things for me that, at the time, no other could do. But, my dear, times have changed, and while you have too, you have not changed enough. I am 16 now, nearly a grown woman, and I cannot tolerate your childish ways. As much as I once cared about you, I fear that the time has come for us to part.

Your former friend,
Kirstykaakes3
A.K.A.
fuoc0tanz3r
A.K.A.
jinx-raven94
(I’m sorry, but it seems I’ve forgotten the rest.)

P.S. When I clicked on you, then selected “uninstall,” I meant that I never wanted to see you again. I wanted you off my PC. I didn’t mean “create five new shortcuts.”

This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. This piece has been published in Teen Ink’s monthly print magazine.




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LillyZ83This teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
today at 2:15 pm:
This made me smile and laugh! Made my day! :)
 
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SilverSunThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Apr. 23, 2012 at 9:29 pm:
Oh so funny!!! This was like the story of my life before I went all out Mac. This was such a hilarious story, well written and full of humor!! Congrats on being published in magazine- you kind of absolutely deserved it!
 
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KatsK This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Apr. 22, 2012 at 10:03 am:
This is awesome! I too have had my share of internet explorer troubles, and am now on Google chrome.
 
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SMILEY738 said...
Mar. 9, 2012 at 11:32 am:
This was weird but funny!!! LOL!!! :)
 
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Calligraphic said...
Jan. 25, 2012 at 4:17 pm:
I found this absolutely amusing, great job!
 
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ShayleeMarThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Jan. 3, 2012 at 9:57 pm:
THAT IS SO HILARIOUS! I love it! So awesome!!!!!!!!!!!!!
 
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Nolanje80 said...
Jan. 3, 2012 at 12:46 pm:
i love this!
 
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Nick5 said...
Dec. 12, 2011 at 6:37 pm:
Thought it was really funny, and true.
 
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raindance72 This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Dec. 12, 2011 at 4:49 pm:
This was great! I can empathize. Thanks for writing this, it really brightened my day! :)
 
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michugh1234 said...
Dec. 12, 2011 at 2:23 pm:
this was very funny, i love all the personification you used.
 
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Kalerea said...
Dec. 12, 2011 at 10:59 am:
This was very funny!  Fantastic job.  Love it.
 
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ninja17 said...
Dec. 5, 2011 at 8:22 pm:
This made my day :) haha google chromes!
 
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clumsyteardropper said...
Nov. 20, 2011 at 7:17 pm:
*sniffles*.... i'm stuck with internet explorer... actually im on it right now.  so yeahhhh... sigh
BUT this was awesome, great amazing job!
 
ScienceLover replied...
May 14, 2012 at 4:00 pm :
I think Internet Explorer is cheating on you. I'm so sorry to tell this but it's true.
 
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Heheh said...
Nov. 20, 2011 at 3:38 pm:
Go Safari!!... anyone? :P
 
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Fizza_98 said...
Nov. 20, 2011 at 6:36 am:
great! I hate Internet explorer. I'm in love with Google chrome..lol
 
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Kirby Rider said...
Nov. 8, 2011 at 9:37 am:
We have Google Chrome, for our convinience. It's far superior to each other browser.
 
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Dakota88zxc said...
Oct. 7, 2011 at 11:39 pm:
Can you spell beast? This was great!
 
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quentin-arehartThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Oct. 7, 2011 at 5:59 pm:
Incredibly funny! I too had to give up Windows Internet Explorer. It was hard, but Google Chrome filled the void. :)
 
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lzcelloplayer said...
Oct. 7, 2011 at 2:04 pm:

Wow, I really enjoyed reading it. Very funny too! I liked how you put it into the form of a breakup letter! 

Congrats on getting it in the magazine! 

:D

 
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