Breakup Letter MAG

December 6, 2008
By Fuocotanzer PLATINUM, Jacksonville, Florida
Fuocotanzer PLATINUM, Jacksonville, Florida
27 articles 0 photos 35 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Drive fast on empty streets with nothing in mind but falling in love and not getting arrested"

-Unknown


Dear Windows Internet Explorer,

Our relationship has been strained for a long time. Of course, it’s not all your fault, nor is it all mine. Our intermediary is also to blame: my hated Gateway (insert string of numbers hidden somewhere on the computer’s body, necessary for purchase of any software) PC, which runs far too slowly and far too aggravatingly. But that does not get you off the hook.

You see, Windows Internet Explorer, I can no longer deal with your ridiculous loading time. Sure, at one time I found it attractive – even sexy – for my browser to take ages to log in or load a webpage. But not anymore. My life is fuller than it was, and I don’t have time for you to semi-load and then stop.

Also, as much as I loved it when we got together, your refusal to log me in to some of my necessary accounts, such as e-mail and MySpace, has become a problem. It was unfair of you, and I should not have submitted to your cruelty and mistreatment.

A third reason for my leaving you may seem mean: you are simply far too sickly. You are constantly contracting new viruses, and your immune system is terrible. I don’t have the time or the money to care for you anymore. It may seem unfair, but you will have to survive on your own. I cannot keep healing you, going through and finding all your corrupted files, cleansing our intermediary’s system because you have given it some virus, bug, or spyware. It takes far too much time and energy, which I do not have.

Windows Internet Explorer, you did wonderful things for me that, at the time, no other could do. But, my dear, times have changed, and while you have too, you have not changed enough. I am 16 now, nearly a grown woman, and I cannot tolerate your childish ways. As much as I once cared about you, I fear that the time has come for us to part.

Your former friend,
Kirstykaakes3
A.K.A.
fuoc0tanz3r
A.K.A.
jinx-raven94
(I’m sorry, but it seems I’ve forgotten the rest.)

P.S. When I clicked on you, then selected “uninstall,” I meant that I never wanted to see you again. I wanted you off my PC. I didn’t mean “create five new shortcuts.”



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This article has 232 comments.


on Sep. 18 2011 at 1:18 pm
Fuocotanzer PLATINUM, Jacksonville, Florida
27 articles 0 photos 35 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Drive fast on empty streets with nothing in mind but falling in love and not getting arrested"

-Unknown

I don't know about modern-day internet explorer at all! I haven't used it since 2008!

on Sep. 18 2011 at 1:16 pm
Fuocotanzer PLATINUM, Jacksonville, Florida
27 articles 0 photos 35 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Drive fast on empty streets with nothing in mind but falling in love and not getting arrested"

-Unknown

No, that's fine! I intended it to be funny! I'm glad you thought it was!

Haha, my family did the opposite: they used firefox for the remainder of that year, but then I got my own laptop and they went back to internet explorer. I've since moved out, and it's awkward to come home and use the computer now because they still use internet explorer! It's been so long for me, I've forgotten how it works!


on Sep. 18 2011 at 1:14 pm
Fuocotanzer PLATINUM, Jacksonville, Florida
27 articles 0 photos 35 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Drive fast on empty streets with nothing in mind but falling in love and not getting arrested"

-Unknown

You are fantastic! Thanks for reading!

on Sep. 18 2011 at 1:14 pm
Fuocotanzer PLATINUM, Jacksonville, Florida
27 articles 0 photos 35 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Drive fast on empty streets with nothing in mind but falling in love and not getting arrested"

-Unknown

awe,, thanks!

on Sep. 18 2011 at 1:13 pm
Fuocotanzer PLATINUM, Jacksonville, Florida
27 articles 0 photos 35 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Drive fast on empty streets with nothing in mind but falling in love and not getting arrested"

-Unknown

Haha, that was my intention!

Well, when I wrote this three years ago, internet explorer was a nightmare! I haven't used it since, so no clue how it works now.


on Sep. 18 2011 at 1:11 pm
Fuocotanzer PLATINUM, Jacksonville, Florida
27 articles 0 photos 35 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Drive fast on empty streets with nothing in mind but falling in love and not getting arrested"

-Unknown

hahaha glad you liked it!

on Sep. 18 2011 at 1:11 pm
Fuocotanzer PLATINUM, Jacksonville, Florida
27 articles 0 photos 35 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Drive fast on empty streets with nothing in mind but falling in love and not getting arrested"

-Unknown

Thank you!

on Sep. 15 2011 at 2:12 pm
AyeshaMuzaffar BRONZE, Lahore, Other
4 articles 0 photos 98 comments
Well then, in that case, you've got some talent!

on Sep. 15 2011 at 11:43 am
Rocinante SILVER, Wexford, Pennsylvania
7 articles 1 photo 386 comments
This is so funny!!! Good job!

videoman360 said...
on Aug. 30 2011 at 11:56 am
cool!!!***!!!$$

wishonastar said...
on Aug. 24 2011 at 9:04 pm
wishonastar, Muskego, Wisconsin
0 articles 0 photos 9 comments

Favorite Quote:
Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass, it's about learning to dance in the rain.

Wow, this is hilarious! My friend and I were laughing our heads off. This is really good, too! On my computer Internet Explorer works really well and is pretty fast. I don't know, maybe you're the lucky one not using it. Who knows.

on Aug. 24 2011 at 9:03 pm
andromeda13 SILVER, Barrie, Other
8 articles 0 photos 174 comments
awesome =D

on Aug. 24 2011 at 2:47 pm
WritingJulia SILVER, Binghamton, New York
6 articles 0 photos 73 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Kind words can be short and easy to say, but their echoes are truly endless." -Mother Theresa

This is fantastic!!!

on Aug. 2 2011 at 11:01 pm
TaylorJade BRONZE, Atlanta, Georgia
3 articles 0 photos 33 comments

Favorite Quote:
You're not alive unless you're living.

Omg!! I laughed my head off reading this! (: No offense or anything, it was just funny... I do agree with you though... Internet Explorer was like... my family's favorite child, but. After it killed many of our computers due to ridiculous amounts of viruses, it had to go.

So... yeah. Internet Explorer has been disowned by our family. We have recently adopted Mozilla Firefox, and holy mess! It is amazing!!!! (: I looove it!!! (:

Anyway... this was awesome!! Great job! (:


Kavishg BRONZE said...
on Aug. 2 2011 at 11:58 am
Kavishg BRONZE, Newton, Massachusetts
2 articles 0 photos 39 comments
This is great!  I completely agree; nowadays, Internet Explorer is bloated with features and has terrible speed and contracts viruses almost daily.  Firefox, chrome, opera are all better options, depending on your operating system.  Personally, I simply use terminal when I want to view only text-based sites, as it is faster than any of the above combined. 

on Jul. 11 2011 at 9:21 pm
Fuocotanzer PLATINUM, Jacksonville, Florida
27 articles 0 photos 35 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Drive fast on empty streets with nothing in mind but falling in love and not getting arrested"

-Unknown

Honestly, I don't remember. I DO know it was an assignment for class - write a satirical letter - and at the time I was angry at internet explorer. Actually, that's probably it! Thanks for the compliment!

on Jul. 11 2011 at 1:12 pm
redhairCat PLATINUM, Pebble Beach, California
47 articles 20 photos 411 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I can do anything!"

How did you get the inspiration for this? It's great!

on Jun. 25 2011 at 10:15 am
Fuocotanzer PLATINUM, Jacksonville, Florida
27 articles 0 photos 35 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Drive fast on empty streets with nothing in mind but falling in love and not getting arrested"

-Unknown

Haha Chrome didn't even exist when I wrote this, and Opera was still really looked down upon!

424ac said...
on Jun. 24 2011 at 12:55 pm

i use the fastest browser. Opera 11.50

 

faster than chrome


Hejlna said...
on May. 10 2011 at 12:58 pm
Yeah. I guess it's pretty cool. All the schools in my city have Apples. Most of them are ancient, but I'm getting a newer one next year.




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