Breakup Letter MAG

December 6, 2008
By Fuocotanzer PLATINUM, Jacksonville, Florida
Fuocotanzer PLATINUM, Jacksonville, Florida
27 articles 0 photos 35 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Drive fast on empty streets with nothing in mind but falling in love and not getting arrested"

-Unknown


Dear Windows Internet Explorer,

Our relationship has been strained for a long time. Of course, it’s not all your fault, nor is it all mine. Our intermediary is also to blame: my hated Gateway (insert string of numbers hidden somewhere on the computer’s body, necessary for purchase of any software) PC, which runs far too slowly and far too aggravatingly. But that does not get you off the hook.

You see, Windows Internet Explorer, I can no longer deal with your ridiculous loading time. Sure, at one time I found it attractive – even sexy – for my browser to take ages to log in or load a webpage. But not anymore. My life is fuller than it was, and I don’t have time for you to semi-load and then stop.

Also, as much as I loved it when we got together, your refusal to log me in to some of my necessary accounts, such as e-mail and MySpace, has become a problem. It was unfair of you, and I should not have submitted to your cruelty and mistreatment.

A third reason for my leaving you may seem mean: you are simply far too sickly. You are constantly contracting new viruses, and your immune system is terrible. I don’t have the time or the money to care for you anymore. It may seem unfair, but you will have to survive on your own. I cannot keep healing you, going through and finding all your corrupted files, cleansing our intermediary’s system because you have given it some virus, bug, or spyware. It takes far too much time and energy, which I do not have.

Windows Internet Explorer, you did wonderful things for me that, at the time, no other could do. But, my dear, times have changed, and while you have too, you have not changed enough. I am 16 now, nearly a grown woman, and I cannot tolerate your childish ways. As much as I once cared about you, I fear that the time has come for us to part.

Your former friend,
Kirstykaakes3
A.K.A.
fuoc0tanz3r
A.K.A.
jinx-raven94
(I’m sorry, but it seems I’ve forgotten the rest.)

P.S. When I clicked on you, then selected “uninstall,” I meant that I never wanted to see you again. I wanted you off my PC. I didn’t mean “create five new shortcuts.”



Similar Articles

JOIN THE DISCUSSION

This article has 232 comments.


on Jan. 3 2012 at 9:57 pm
Cheshirekat SILVER, Boise, Idaho
5 articles 0 photos 49 comments

Favorite Quote:
“A friend might well be reckoned the masterpiece of nature.” - Ralph Waldo Emerson
"Oh you can't avoid that; we're all mad here." - The Cheshire Cat

THAT IS SO HILARIOUS! I love it! So awesome!!!!!!!!!!!!!

on Jan. 3 2012 at 12:48 pm
nolanje80 PLATINUM, Kalispell, Montana
30 articles 19 photos 25 comments

Favorite Quote:
“When you're dreaming with a broken heart
The waking up is the hardest part
You roll outta bed and down on your knees
And for a moment you can hardly breathe”
― John Mayer

yea i agree with you, school computers suck. especially when people are playing games of listening to music when they are supposed to be doing their work. it slows down everyone elses computers and makes everyone mad.

on Jan. 3 2012 at 12:46 pm
nolanje80 PLATINUM, Kalispell, Montana
30 articles 19 photos 25 comments

Favorite Quote:
“When you're dreaming with a broken heart
The waking up is the hardest part
You roll outta bed and down on your knees
And for a moment you can hardly breathe”
― John Mayer

i love this!

on Dec. 12 2011 at 6:37 pm
camohunter19 GOLD, Sedro-Woolley, Washington
14 articles 13 photos 128 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Girls are so queer you never know what they mean. They say No when they mean Yes, and drive a man out of his wits for the fun of it." "Violence is never the answer! It is a question, and the answer is yes."

Thought it was really funny, and true.

byebye said...
on Dec. 12 2011 at 4:49 pm
byebye, Nevermore, Other
0 articles 0 photos 253 comments
This was great! I can empathize. Thanks for writing this, it really brightened my day! :)

michugh1234 said...
on Dec. 12 2011 at 2:23 pm
this was very funny, i love all the personification you used.

Kalerea BRONZE said...
on Dec. 12 2011 at 10:59 am
Kalerea BRONZE, Defiance, Ohio
3 articles 1 photo 3 comments

Favorite Quote:
John 16: 33

This was very funny!  Fantastic job.  Love it.

ninja17 SILVER said...
on Dec. 5 2011 at 8:22 pm
ninja17 SILVER, Las Cruces, New Mexico
6 articles 0 photos 35 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Sometimes we tend to be in despair when the person we love leaves us, but the truth is, it's not our loss, but theirs, for they left the only person who wouldn't give up on them."

This made my day :) haha google chromes!

on Nov. 20 2011 at 7:17 pm
clumsyteardropper SILVER, Roslyn, Pennsylvania
8 articles 0 photos 87 comments

Favorite Quote:
"You can't help others, if you yourself need help" -my sister ;) love it!

*sniffles*.... i'm stuck with internet explorer... actually im on it right now.  so yeahhhh... sigh
BUT this was awesome, great amazing job!

Heheh said...
on Nov. 20 2011 at 3:38 pm
Go Safari!!... anyone? :P

Fizza SILVER said...
on Nov. 20 2011 at 6:36 am
Fizza SILVER, Raipur, Other
8 articles 2 photos 177 comments
great! I hate Internet explorer. I'm in love with Google chrome..lol

Kirby Rider said...
on Nov. 8 2011 at 9:37 am
We have Google Chrome, for our convinience. It's far superior to each other browser.

notmehaha GOLD said...
on Oct. 7 2011 at 11:39 pm
notmehaha GOLD, Suffolk, Virginia
17 articles 0 photos 24 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Be who you are and say what you feel. Those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind." -Dr. Suess

Can you spell beast? This was great!

on Oct. 7 2011 at 5:59 pm
firelord SILVER, Queensbury, New York
8 articles 0 photos 22 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Two roads diverged in a wood, and I- I took the one less travelled by, and that has made all the difference." -Robert Frost

Incredibly funny! I too had to give up Windows Internet Explorer. It was hard, but Google Chrome filled the void. :)

on Oct. 7 2011 at 2:04 pm
lzcelloplayer BRONZE, Wayland, Massachusetts
2 articles 0 photos 31 comments

Favorite Quote:
"It seems that we all look at Nature too much, and live with her too little." ~ Oscar Wilde

Wow, I really enjoyed reading it. Very funny too! I liked how you put it into the form of a breakup letter! 

Congrats on getting it in the magazine! 

:D


on Oct. 7 2011 at 12:48 pm
ThatGirlOverthere BRONZE, LaLaland, Other
1 article 0 photos 24 comments

Favorite Quote:
"We Must
bring our own light
to the darkness" by poet Charles Bukowski
- about prouving yourself... I'm on my way to accomplish that!

 Thank you so much for coming up with this, I just been through the same recently and I'm still hearthbroken  x)

just kiddin'! your article is really funny and refreshing.

 Hope you are dealing well with that breakup, I'm sure you'll find a new browser in time that will make you very happy!


purpleink GOLD said...
on Oct. 7 2011 at 12:48 pm
purpleink GOLD, Pendleton, Oregon
17 articles 0 photos 32 comments

Favorite Quote:
The early bird gets the worm but the second rat gets the cheese.

There is more to life besides increasing its speed.

so funny! love it!

on Oct. 7 2011 at 10:28 am
we really like your writing. its positive, yet intersting. The ideas and Organization are rated a 6/6 ! really good job. keep writing positive things :)

Simonesayz said...
on Oct. 7 2011 at 9:27 am
Lol love it (:

on Oct. 7 2011 at 7:18 am
CosmicHorse95 PLATINUM, Milltown, Wisconsin
20 articles 0 photos 39 comments

Favorite Quote:
There is nothing better for the inside of a person than the outside of a horse.

I love this!!! Thank you for writing it!!!


SciArc

MacMillan Books

Aspiring Writer? Take Our Online Course!