things you need to know

October 18, 2008
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I spent all of today lost in the clouds.


The first thing you need to know is I do not lose my head in the clouds. I am grounded; I am a firm believer that solid ground is best, and nothing will ever change that. I do not believe in daydreams -- they just never work out for me. All of mine have turned out to be wastes of time.

I hate garbage, in case you haven’t noticed.

So I believe in doing, I believe in reality, I believe in hopes and I believe in goals.

But I do not believe in daydreams.


The second thing is I was distracted in math today. I am never distracted in math; math is the only thing with only one answer. Math is my reality, and math is that solid thing I land on when my cliff crumbles. It is the only material thing that never leaves, and I love it for that.

It never changes. See, I can do the same problem over and over and over, change the way I solve it, change the way I think, but it still turns out the same. There are no tricks; no lies or things left unsaid. History is all about perspective and what they want us to believe; writing is opinionated; things change.

Math doesn’t.

Why did you have to take my math from me?


The third is I hate clouds.

They are too fluffy and happy and carefree and light. To me, they are strands of cotton candy imagination and white, almost-but-not-quite blinding.

They are everything I do not have.

If I had a choice, I wouldn’t spend a second in them.


The fourth is this was all because of you.



You wanted to know what you remind me of. Well, I told you that you remind me of clouds, but that wasn’t enough for you, so I guess…

You are the ocean breeze that carries the clouds. Maybe, if I’m in a really good mood, I’ll tell you that I’m the clouds you’re carrying along. But I’m not sure I want you to know that (yet).

You are the time spent wasted in math that I can never get back. When I really think about it, though, I don’t want it back. You are my daydreams that I never asked for, tried fighting, but ended up with anyway.

You are everything I am thankful for.





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