To what do I owe the pleasure of this overwhelming sadness. Engulfing me, enveloping me, surrounding me to such an extent that even happiness dare not tread. Isolation, that of friends, loved ones, those we once loved, those who we can never love again. Mocking me, knowing what power, what control, what pain I feel. Turning a blind eye never to look at the sun again. The warmth of touch, a glimpse of a pearly gate open wide, only to clamp down and draw blood. My heart beats not only for life but for the promise of life, for the hope of a beam piercing the wall, bringing the wall down. But the wall only comes crashing down to reveal what I feared most. The pearly gate opens wide for no man who lay his heart down, but only to those who have known the beaten path by hand, those who have not tread for some time will never walk but only stumble and eventually fall face first. Maybe someday soon a door will open where a wall once stood.
I Can Only Hope
December 11, 2007