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A Little Too Afraid.
as i walked in the door from the driveway, downstairs, it was pitch
black in my basement. i couldnt bear. i turned my head around in
attempt to shut the door as quickly as possible, and run up the stairs
but my mind took over. and i was horrified. i heard what i thought to
be a monster, but mearly my father banging his way clumsily and
obnauctiously down the stairs. i thought i had found fear. but i was
after watching my mother and father laugh like all the world was
theirs, i headed up the stairs, past my father; not suprised to see that
he hadnt managed to notice the tears streaming from my horrified eyes.
my mother, oh she was understandable. i mean, who else's mother
would betray their own daughters bestfriend, and deny her a good
nights sleep? only mine, of course.
I took my wallet out of my backpocket, as well as my camera. the
damned things could do me favors i wouldnt care for, at this moment
in my life, if i am so to speak. As i set them on the table, more tears
fell from my cheeks. Anger has always gotten to the better of me. i
must not let it anymore, for i am death. and i fear nothing, nothing of
the sort as such for crying. this didnt make any sence, but oh, it did.
it made so much sence.
Looking up from her bag, and the pesky dog, my mother had finally
scoped out my tears and scrunched face. and manage to speak the
words "Whats the matter?" "THAT MOVIE. THAT STUPID MOVIE."
i cried. i was enraged, terrirfied. and nothing can hold me back from
what i had to say, thats been held up inside me. "I DIDNT WANT TO
LEAVE HER ALONE. I DIDNT WANT TO BE ALONE. IM TERRIFIED.
SHES JUST AS SCARED AS I AM. SHE JUST HANDLES IT
BETTER THAN ME. SHES MUCH STRONGER THAN I AM"
and honestly, if you think me mad believe so, and think me mad. for i,
have reasons to my madness. and they all happen for a reason as to
which, i do not know. this screaming isnt necissary, but i was scared.
no, not just scared, but absolutely mad. Mother takes me in her arms,
and hugs me gentely. i have no want for her to be kind. shes been
so unreasonable. so bitterly unreasonable. i couldnt stand her.
i push away from her with as much force that i could muster through
the tears and confused mind. "was it really that scary? the kind of
scared, like it was when you were little?" yes, it was. those nights i
spent in my sisters bed haunt me. i heard things, and saw things as i
drifted to sleep. id never close my eyes when i was a child, so i
would spend the nights reading while my sister lie dreaming on the
pillow beside me. i was terrified, and will always be.