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Messed Up

Nero
Full name:
At birth: Lucius Domitius Ahenobarbus
Changed: Nero Claudius Drusus Germanicus
Status: Deceased, fortunately.
Occupation: Roman Emperor from AD 54-68
Years of existence: AD 37-68







On December 15th, AD 37, Earth became host to one of history’s most notorious hoodlums: Nero Claudius Drusus Germanicus. This tubby, malodorous, corpulent-necked ruffian was the product of his time, indeed. Nero was born to Agrippina the younger (the sister of Caligula [see article “Caligula” for more information]) and father Cnaeus Domitius Ahenobarbus. But Nero’s was a childhood of woe. By the tender age of three, Nero’s family had been exiled, his father had been killed, and Nero’s inheritance was taken by family enemies. An undeniably doleful tale.

After deranged emperor Caligula was murdered, Agrippina, Nero’s mother and Caligula’s sister, decided it was time for her son to get his share of the limelight. When Agrippina’s uncle Claudius became the next emperor, she made her move. As it were, his wife passed away during his reign, so Agrippina convinced her uncle to wed her. The result: Nero was the official heir to the Roman throne (and mutated kids).

In 54, Agrippina poisoned her husband Claudius with mushrooms, causing him to die and Nero to become emperor. At the time, Nero was only a lad of seventeen. Agrippina acted as his regent until he overthrew his mother and officially came to power. The first years of his reign were good enough. The government was stable and there was relative peace. After five years, however, Nero went big time: he had his mother killed.

Nero must have grown accustomed to killing very quickly; within ten years of the start of his reign, Nero was having people killed for merely disagreeing with him. He waged a series of brutal wars, desiring more and more land for the Roman Empire. Enter sadist Nero. You’ve heard of the great fire of Rome?

In 64, Nero reached the apex of his terrible reign. He deemed himself a happy man. So happy, in fact, that he went to every measure to prove his power. Power made him happy; it was as simple as that. to prove his power, though, it is believed that Nero set fire to well over half of the city of Rome, letting in burn for more than two weeks while he supposedly “fiddled while watching Rome burn.” This rumor caused him to lose considerable popularity as a ruler. In order to pull the unpopularity away from himself, Nero began to persecute the Christians. He is famed for his wicked execution tactics that are entirely nauseating even to think about.

In 68, rebellion ran rampant through Rome. Nero knew his rule was over. He committed suicide on June 9, 68. Thus ended the reign of terror. Exeunt Nero.





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