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Ida Knoh's Cover Letter and Job Resume

Ms. Ida Knoh

3815 Blondie Lane

Idiot City, IN 58681



March 2, 2011



Mr. Randy Clippatoh

Randy's Elderly Toenail Clipping Service

4123 Fungus Avenue

Ft. Smelly, IN 58674



Dear Mr. Randy Clippatoh;



I was talking to my grandmother the other day and noticed that her toenails were freshly cut. She told me that you were looking for someone to cut the toenails of the elderly in Ft. Smelly. If that position is still open, I am quite interested in applying for the job.



I graduated last year from We Are Two Gullible University in Idiot City, Indiana. I was in the top fifty of my class of fifty-three students. I am now ready to go out into the real world and get a satisfying job. I have tons of experience that will help me in the toenail clipping business. When I was in middle school, I volunteered at We'll Drop Your Groceries For You. We delivered plenty of groceries for the old people, but we usually did not make it to the refrigerator. Throughout my high school years, I was in the Say Hello to the Older Than Dirt People. I'm sure they appreciated the brief company, though they looked confused at the quick exchange. When I was still in college, I worked part time at We Make Your Toes Approachable. I really enjoyed the couple weeks I was allowed t work there. I now rarely scream in disgust when I see bare feet, and I can sometimes keep my mouth closed when I want to voice my opinions. I can work hard when I want to. I am often told that I am special. I always listen to what my superiors say. These qualities make me the perfect candidate for the job.



I am really interested in interviewing for the position of an elderly toenail clipper. Please feel free to contact me at 545-412-3195, or email me at I_HaveNoIdea@blondejokes.com. I look forward to hearing from you.



Sincerely,

Ida Knoh.



Encl.







_______________________________________________________________





IDA KNOH

3815 Blondie Lane

Idiot City, IN 58681



Objective:

•To obtain a position as an elderly toenail clipper

Qualifications:

•Mastered the skill of nail clippers at age 14
•Can speak with the elderly just as easily as with everyone else
•Did not fail all completed college courses

Education:

•A Bachelor's Degree from We Are Two Gullible University
•Graduated in 2010 with a 1.04 GPA
•Majored in Sewing / Native American Spirits

Work Experience:

2000-2002 - We'll Drop Your Groceries For You

•Completed the back breaking task of carrying large grocery bags from the car to the home
•Took instructions from the elderly
•Found out that the elderly are often times hard of hearing

2003-2007 - Say Hello to the Older Than Dirt People

•Gained experience with old people
•Met and almost befriended many of the elderly
•Learned to respect a person's personal space

2008-2008 - We Make Your Toes Approachable

•Became aware of the many different varieties of feet and toes
•Pretty much overcame the disgustingness of foot fungus
•Was tuaght to identify athlete's foot

Related Experience:

•Cut my own toenails
•Visit my grandmother and grandfather in the Old People's Homes
•Enjoy working with the elderly



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