I was at the age where most girls worry excessively about their image and relentlessly run to the closest mirror between every class to check their makeup. However, I wasn't one of those girls. The thing I was most worried about was how I was not good at anything, didn't have anything special about me to compare. My grades were slowly going downhill, and I seemingly couldn't stop it no matter what I did or how much help I got. I was failing math, and my grade had dropped around 20 points from last year for Biology. I wondered if I should be in the 'slower' classes instead of advanced, and just give up. Everyone else seemed to have their nitch, something they were good at. There were the math kids who received perfect scores on the Midterm and Regents. There were the English kids who could write about the most minimal topics and still do it beautifully. All this time thinking about these things, I was digging myself into a day-long depression. That is, until I opened my agenda that same day to see what was due. I had seen the quote before while writing down my assignments, but I had not thought much about it. It was quite ironic to be there, on that page while I was sitting in my little hole. The quote was by H.G. Wells. 'What really matters is what you do with what you have.' After doing some research, I learned that Wells, too, had had trouble with finding what he was good at. He tried being a draper's apprentice, a chemists' assistant, and several other things. He hated them and failed at them miserably. I felt like H.G. Wells had just lifted me out of my hole and placed me on the ground next to it and said 'Here, try again.' Of course, nothing is that easy and I know that I probably won't get anything on the first attempt. What really matters is realizing the fact that just because you do not find 'your thing' right away doesn't mean you wont find it at all. I still haven't found my thing, but that's okay. I will.
February 25, 2009