Sometimes...Life sucks!

March 1, 2009
Sometimes, I want to scream; I want to scream at the top of my lungs until I can't scream anymore. Sometimes, I just want to hit something, I want to hit anything as hard as I can and keep hitting it until my arms go numb. Sometimes, I just want to sing as loud as I can, as long as I can until the music ends. Sometimes, I want to run and run as fast and as far as I can until my legs collapse beneath me.





Sometimes, I need to cry, but I don't, because I hate to waste the time. Sometimes, I need to close my eyes and listen to my own hear beat, but I can't, because I'm always surrounded by noise. Sometimes, I need to yell at someone; yell as loud as I want at them, and see the shocked look on their face, but I don't, because yelling has consequences. Sometimes, I need to get in trouble, just do something I know is wrong, but I never do, because I'm afraid. Sometimes, I need to tell the truth; just shout it from a very tall building, and be free of it, but I don't, because I don't think the truth will be enough.



Sometime, I long for a break, a break from living, from going to school, from worrying, from hiding, but I don't get one; I have to keep doing these things. Sometimes, I long to just pour out my heart to someone other than my keyboard, to trust in someone completely, to know they won't yell or judge, to know they won't say no or walk away, but I have no one with that guarantee. Sometimes, I long to speak my mind and tell everyone how I really feel, to tell them and walk away with no regrets, but I can't, because you can never speak on impulse without a few pangs of guilt afterward. Sometimes, I long to say 'Screw you!' and tell someone off, but I don't, because that's a really fast way to lose a friend.








Sometimes, I wish someone would just knock me unconscious, I wish I would just pass out, because then maybe I wouldn't be forced to get up at 7:10am. Sometimes, I wish for someone to show up, someone unexpected; someone to change things, someone to surprise me even if just for a moment, but I wish for a change every day, and it never comes. Sometimes, I wish to wake up in the morning and feel different, but I never do. Sometimes, I wish to care about things I truly don't want to think about, I wish to really care about the things I know I should care about, but the truth is that I genuinely don't care.


Sometimes, I imagine what my life would be like if I made certain choices, if I acted a certain way towards certain people, if I dedicated myself to the things important people consider essential and significant. Sometimes, I imagine what might happen, what would have happened, and what I thought would happen. Sometimes, I imagine what would happen if I did something I never have before. Sometimes, I imagine things that never could, should or will happen, but it never hurts to imagine, or does it?
Sometimes, life gets you down. Sometimes it beats you and beats you until you just want it to finally kill you. Sometimes, it refuses to give in. All you can do is take it, and when Life finally stops hitting you, you have to get up and stand again; you have to take another punch you have to keep going. Because, if you can just suffer through it for a little longer, because if you can just stay alive, life will let up on you, even if for only one moment. And in that moment, you will finally see why people take the beatings Life has to give, because in that moment in between'.it's all worth it. The cold hard truth is Sometimes'.Life sucks! But, sometimes'..it doesn't. 





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This article has 2 comments. Post your own now!

LeilaniLives said...
Feb. 1, 2010 at 5:40 pm
I absolutely loved it.
I expected an ending that was negative about you saying you wished life would just kill you and you wish you could die now, but instead you gave inspirational notions about holding on and making it through. I highky appreciate you telling me to read this piece. It's very influential. &Thank you for the comments. Typically for long pieces, I get bored and give up..but I read through the entire piece without wanting to stop for a second to drink my tea next ... (more »)
 
LaLaLindsy said...
Nov. 13, 2009 at 8:50 pm
i love paragraphs 2-4 especially, because it applies so much to me...and probably a lot of other people too. just make sure to proofread before posting ;)
 
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