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Still Here

By
Still Here

My story isn't totally unique. It's one that many share, but nobody should. This shouldn't be a part of anybody's past. That's why it needs to get out. That's why I'm telling you how it happened. This is my story, and I hope that it's not yours.
November 6th, 2007. I remember everything about that day, from what was on the news in the morning to what I was wearing to what I had for dinner. I remember more about it than I remember about yesterday. Why? Because that's the day I tried to kill myself. More importantly than the insignificant details I listed, I remember my friend Lauren leading me to the nurse's office, giving me kind words about how we all mess up sometimes. I remember my English teacher coming into the office and telling me, her voice sounding concerned, that we were going to have to talk soon. I remember the look of pain and fear on my mother's face, the way her voice sounded smaller than I'd ever heard it. I remember the feeling of my brother-in-law's hug, his muttered, "I'm glad you're okay," the way he hit me lightly on the head and called me a baka (Japanese for idiot).
Even more vividly than any of that, though, I remember the way the nurses at the emergency room rarely talked to me directly. Their looks of disbelief are branded into my mind; they thought that I was simply being a dramatic teenager. Because I was only fourteen, I obviously hadn't really meant to kill myself. Because I had overdosed on an over-the-counter drug, I couldn't have been serious.
The very people that always say to take every single suicide attempt seriously--doctors, nurses, even the therapist that evaluated me the next day passed it off as a one-time impulse. Nobody took me seriously, so I was given no help and no counseling. Everyone's moved so far past it that it seems nobody remembers. I'm the only one who hasn't let it go. I'm the only one who knows I was serious. I know that I'm not the only one who was wronged in this way, though. EVERY SINGLE suicide attempt needs to be taken seriously, because if you pick and choose who you believe, then some are bound to slip through the cracks as I did. Save a life: Don't pass anyone off as an attention-seeker or a dramatist.





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