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On the Subject of Lonely

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Sometimes I come home from school feeling worn out in a way that I can't explain. I think it's because I often don't get excited about the stuff that people usually get excited about. A lot of my classmates get excited over anything that has a sexual connotation; nothing wrong with that, it's just that all these sex jokes kind of bore me. They get all whipped up over That's what she said jokes. I don't mind those - I do get a chuckle out of them at times - but I get more excited over small and admittedly dorky things like cookies or treehouses or the sky that looks so beautiful today. Yeah, I probably sound like a sap for staring at clouds for like 10 minutes.

Also, people never take me seriously. Not a big deal or anything, it's just a fact and one that I"m getting used to. When I'm joking they laugh; when I'm being serious they laugh even more. It's not their fault they don't "get" me; I don't understand them well either. I know that no one is under any kind of obligation to understand me. Being understood is a luxury, and usually I can laugh off people laughing at me anyway. Still, once in awhile i will admit that it really gets to me and I feel tired and bewildered and even almost weepy because I try so hard to understand high school and teh way it works, and it's been almost four years now and I'm still as lost and oblivious about how it functions and what's considered awkward and not awkward. Some people I know laugh for 30 minutes at a time over sex jokes and then they accuse ME of being awkward. I'm thinking hello? I'm not the one who gets all my laughs out of jokes centered on body parts. Jeez. It's like sex jokes/That's what she said jokes are becoming the knock knock jokes of high school. Funny at first, and then they get old fast. But people still abuse them relentlessly.

There are other things about high school that I don't understand, but I won't detail them because then this note would be like a gazillion pages long. I guess that's why sometimes I prefer to be alone, because then I feel less lonely.

So I'm going to end the rant here for fear of sounding like a total whiner or drama queen :) haha But a girl's gotta rant once in awhile, yes?

Oh, and one more thing. It bothers me a little that a lot of people think I'm dumb. When I qualified for National Merit Semifinalist, let's just say that more than one person reacted with, "Whaattt? YOU got national merit? I didn't know you're smart enough to!"

Yeah, that's pretty uncalled for, don't you think?

Can't a girl talk about dessert and Smart Cars and Twilight and guys in short shorts and be smart still?



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