What happened last night? Thats almost always the first thing I think about when i wake up in the morning. It doesnt matter, I quickly forget as I begin to load my pipe; as I say goodbye to memories that I no longer want to remember.

Its not suicide, what I do. Its a way of live, thats what I just keep telling myself. What am I doing with my life? My sober friends never tell me to quit and my high friends are always to happy to think twice about what their doing...

I have an illness its deep, Im sure it can be healed I just dont know how. Maybe its because I dont love myself enough or for the fact that Im an outcast Id rather be in my room with a blunt writing music jammin out on the guitar, well its not my fault that I was tromatized as a child. I love Marijuana and it loves me, thats how I feel. I dream of being a rockstar, how can I accomplish that if im putting toxins in my body that I dream wont let me awake in the morning? I dont want to be the next funeral you have to attend but it looks as if the end is near.

As Im in my room, my so called "family" is away from the house so Im all alone and full of remorse. I load my pipe and try to become as high and numb as possible before I end another day. Maybe, just maybe i wont awake in the morning and if I do awake Itll just be another day.