Inspiration (She)

October 31, 2007
By
Everything that has happened until now has been for the benefit of others. I've kept quiet until now, I've obeyed whatever they told me to do. Now that I realized so long ago that I could gain control over my life, but instead stepped aside at the awaiting oppourtunity. This is my self control. I read that I am rebelious when restricted, now I just realized that my restrictions are becoming more cross with each passing day. This is my rebelion. This is what I shall try to accomplish so that they will finally realize that they don't have control over my life anymore and that I am my own person. In the silence of the night I've layed there, screaming into my pillow, or in my head because of the fear of waking the very people that control me. The riot in my head just waiting, itching to break free from the barriers that I had put up over the years. I've waited long enough to try to find the right moment to accomplish this task, to accomplish this looming scene erupting in my mind.
Locked away in my house, my so called 'safe haven' from the evils of the world, I sat and waited for everthing to blow up in their faces. Their wall of ignorance, shame, and self pitty. My life was planned out, ever since the day that I started school, it was planned. My purpose just to follow orders and behave the way they wanted. I had no use other than that. Other than that there was no reason for my being.
Until you came; you came and waited for me. You waited for me to finally crack, finally break from everthing that has been placed on me. You didn't care whether or not I had to please you, you didn't care that I had to leave whenever you called. Everytime, there was no rest for us, there was no break and no time to spend together. You could have moved on, you could have left me and turned to someone else, but instead you stayed. You waited for me to finally realize that I could be my own person and that I could be myself. You waited for me to realize that I do love you, I'm just so sorry that you had to wait so long.
You were there when I screamed and yelled for no reason. You were there when I screamed at you and said things that I didn't mean. I said I didn't want to see you again. I said that I didn't love you. I said that I hated you but still you stayed.
Everything I believed to be wrong and immoral for me and my way of life, you helped me realize that they were not my point of view. That perspective and those views belonged to someone else in my life; the very people who had restricted me from a normal social career in life.
Then you came, and everything changed. You waited, you loved, you listened, you understood everything that I had to say about my life and you took it into you and made it your own. Your own problems for you yourself to solve. You loved me, and that's all that matters. You waited, you wanted me to scream until your ears bled. You took careful attention and consideration with everything that I had to say, and you did it just for me. You did this for me, and for that, I am sure that I can say that...I love you.





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