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What it is like to live with Aspergers Syndrome This work is considered exceptional by our editorial staff.

By , Milford, OH
I was diagnosed with Aspergers when I was 9 years old, but have probably have had it since I was born 17 years ago. At that time, I didn’t even know what Aspergers was, but I have learned what it is. Aspergers is a developmental disorder within the autism spectrum. Living with Aspergers, I’ll say, is not very much fun. Actually, it is really annoying to have such a disability. Having Aspergers can cause me to get angry or confused very easily. I can get so angry when my parents tell me to do something, especially if I am in the middle of doing something else. When I was a lot younger, and still today, I have a hard time understanding what the teacher is explaining. Most of the time my grandmother tries to explain the homework to make it more easier for me to do. Sometimes, when I am doing one thing, I am thinking of another thing like I can’t even spell today.

Another thing I do is that, whenever I am standing around waiting in line at a grocery store or somewhere like that, I have a tendency to sway back and forth, or rock side to side. I think I do that because I am really bored, and I don’t’ want to be standing there doing nothing. I don’t even know I’m doing it until someone tells me. I know it probably looks weird but, it soothes me. Of course, people stare at me whenever I do it, and I feel like saying to them, “I have Aspergers, I can‘t help it.” Sometimes when I get nervous I start talking and talking and can’t quiet down.

Another bad thing with Aspergers is that, I have a very hard time conversing with others; teens, my therapists, and sometimes even my family. My friend Maria is 1½ years older than I am, and I have a hard time communicating with her. I’ll say, “Hey, what’s up?” She’ll say, “Okay”, and that’s the end of my conversation. Even if I practice ahead of time someone has to help me out by saying things like, “Don’t you want to ask Maria how school is?”, or ask her “What’s she been doing since the last time you saw her?” Then I will start up and then it of course, it stops again.

I really want to have a boyfriend badly, but unfortunately I don’t have one, and sometimes I do silly stuff for boys to notice me and that doesn‘t work. For instance, there is a boy whom I have a huge crush on and I am always so excited to see him. However, when he shows up, instead of talking to him I go and break up twigs in the front yard!
There is a prom each year for teens that are home schooled. I didn’t get to go last year because I didn’t have anyone to go with. Classmates at school kept saying, “You should go, you’ll have a good time”. However, no one asked me to join their group.

Even boys who are like me don’t ask me out! For example, I went to a classmate’s Bat Mitzvah, and I gave a ride to a boy whom I think has autism because he acts just like me; I was so excited, but I couldn’t say one thing to him! My grandmother helped me make a list of things to talk about, but I just couldn’t do it. As soon as he got out of the car, he couldn’t get to the popular kids fast enough. Of course, they ignored him. Go figure!

Sometimes I just wish that I was a normal teen living a normal life. I hate having disabilities; it makes me feel like a very ill teen that can’t get better no matter how hard I try, even though people say I have come a long way. It has taken me 8 years of lessons to learn how to swim. Now, once I get into the water you can’t get me out. I have learned to love swimming. It is now one of my favorite hobbies. It has also taken me 10 years to learn how to ride a bike. I love biking now as well. I still don’t know how to ice skate or roller skate yet, but I am still learning. Having Aspergers also makes me feel like I am a very illogical person that doesn’t know much about anything, and always acts weird. I wonder will I ever get better or will I always be a weird kid with disabilities.



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This article has 67 comments. Post your own!

DarkyPMobianThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Jul. 17 at 9:40 am:
I don't have Asperger's, but I do have a form of autism called PDD-NOS (Pervesive Development Disorder-Not Otherwise Specified). There are some good things to having a form of autism. For instance, we are advanced in either academics, visual media or music. I'm talented in all areas. (Not to brag.) Trust me. I'm having difficulties with social skills, too. Maybe we should talk sometime. I'm Kai. :D
 
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nomistooThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Mar. 31 at 2:18 pm:
Very well-written! You'll find someone to spend your life with (:
 
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lilyisawesome said...
Mar. 27 at 11:34 am:
Hey you are not alone i have Aspergers as well and i am just like you my name is lily and i go to a school that helps me with my disability and in the past i was bullied alot and never got a boyfriend at all. The guys i found always cheated on me or used me to do stuff that i said no to and they would just make fun of me. Now that i understand what i have i have learned alot of things from it like just be urself and dont be upset about having aspergers. 
 
kaylankutie replied...
Apr. 7 at 7:25 pm :
Hi, having aspergers is a wonderful thing u dont need to worry about having a boyfriend u will get one when ur older and they will love you for who u are sonpls dont worry
 
Megan21192 replied...
May 9 at 12:31 pm :
I agree. You can learn alot from just being yourself and not getting upset about beiing disabled. Maybe someday the right guy will come along and will like us for who we are on the inside.
 
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angel_bunny said...
Sept. 19, 2013 at 9:14 pm:
I have Aspergers too and I always rock back and forth (it gets on my drama teacher's nerves when we are practicing) but people don't seem to notice when I am out somewhere not on stage. (Every little movement is noticable on stage, I have a lot of trouble with that.) I'm always trying to find a way to stay focused on my work right now I have a stuffed kitty penceil case that I keep hold of to have something in my hands to play with. I always have trouble explaning have aspergers work... (more »)
 
Megan21192 replied...
May 9 at 12:28 pm :
When I'm on the stage acting I feel like a normal adult. Because when I am on the stage I can be anything I want to be. I'm always worried that if I tell people about my disability that they will treat me differently. I guess that fear will always remain with me. But now realizing that I'm not alone and that others have Aspergers too makes me realize that I'm not alone.
 
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kaykay said...
Jun. 5, 2013 at 4:40 am:
i have aspergers too and i know it is hard very hard, but i have learnt how to deal with it and found my own way of learning things...i have had boyfriends..once you learn to deal with it and stop fighting with it life gets much better trust me <3
 
Megan21192 replied...
Jul. 8, 2013 at 8:59 pm :
I have had tons of crushes but not one boy has asked me out. I eventually want to move out of my parents home and get married and start a family of my own. But that is hard when I don't have a man to share my life with.
 
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Stay_Anchored said...
May 29, 2013 at 3:55 pm:
I found this very inspiring. My sister has Asperger's, and it really helped me out with what it's like for her. Stay anchored, you'll always get through.
 
Megan21192 replied...
Jul. 8, 2013 at 8:58 pm :
Even though my life is rough, I still try to push through. I have a goal in life and I am really trying to get there. :)
 
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alsha101 said...
Apr. 29, 2013 at 3:51 pm:
when i heard this it made me cry !! and you are beautiful any man would be lucky to have u xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
 
Megan21192 replied...
Jul. 8, 2013 at 8:57 pm :
Thank you, that really means a lot! :)
 
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Aspenwiz said...
Jan. 14, 2013 at 1:02 am:
So well written and so amazingly strong. I admire you!
 
Megan21192 replied...
Jul. 8, 2013 at 9:01 pm :
Thank you so much. It means a lot
 
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Danielle H. This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Nov. 5, 2012 at 6:46 pm:
This is so unfortunate! Just keep trying, and never give up. Stay positive. One day, some lucky boy will like you for you, and won't care if you have a disability. You may take longer to learn things, but you eventually get them. And hey, I don't know how to roller skate or ice skate either! You'll get the hang of things. Keep your head high, and you'll be fine <3
 
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ShesAWildflower said...
Nov. 5, 2012 at 5:27 pm:
I know a girl with aspergers. She's really mean and made up a lot of stories that were total lies, but I don't think it's the disease. I think that's just her personality because her parents give her whatever she wants. I do the whole swaying in line at the store thing but no one ever tells me. I didn't notice that that was abnormal I guess.
 
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Kiki_McGee said...
Nov. 5, 2012 at 4:56 pm:
I loved the article! I may not have aspergers but I can relate with not being able to speak to the guy  I like and with always feeling ignored. I know how lonely it can get sometimes. Maybe you should try writing to the guy you like first. That might make it easier to talk with him later if you already know a bit about him. Also, don't let other guys' reactions put you down. They don't deserve you if they judge your disability and not your personality.... (more »)
 
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ms.liz2015 said...
Nov. 5, 2012 at 2:27 pm:
that was realy good. my sis has the same thing and sometimes its really hard to understand her but i know how you feel.
 
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AnneHoffman said...
Nov. 5, 2012 at 2:06 pm:
I love it! It takes alot of courage to talk about your disabilities no matter who you are. I've been around alot of people with different dissabilities and I know the troubles they go through. There is a boy in one of my classes with aspergers and he is amazing. I tell people i have ocd all the time and they don't believe me until theres something I can't stand seeing misplaced or sideways and i freak. Please continue to share your experiences its a good way to help especially with y... (more »)
 
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