District Report: After Prom Will Suck, Again.

April 24, 2018

The local school district is happy to report that this year’s after prom event will be just as dull and overpriced as last year.

“We’ve chosen a venue that will be positively lacking in amenities and activities that our students want  engage in. We’ll have at least two dozen parental chaperones, and will be encouraging them to awkwardly converse with their children and follow them around the event. Each chaperone will have a mic'd whistle to prevent any inappropriate contact between students at the after prom event.

“Imagine the biggest, oldest “good ol’ boys” style club room, strip all of the TV’s, pool tables, games, bars, bathrooms, seating, and lights, and that's what we’re going for!”, says Principal Valerie Davies.

“We’ve made sure the entry process to the venue for After Prom will be absolutely horrendous as well!” “We’re going to have several forms, tickets, and wristbands that we’re going to expect throngs of not-sober high school students to remember and bring with them from the dance to the event, so that it takes as much time as possible and is the least user-friendly experience we can possibly create.


The dilapidated arcade area will not be giving out prizes,
The water fountains will be turned off, and
we will be uncomfortably trying to converse with you over the loud, crappy EDM music.
We hope to see you there!

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