We all suffer from some type of mental illness through our lifetime and there's no shame in having it. It can be depression, anxiety, PTSD, anorexia, Bulimia, panic attacks, and other types of disorders that sometimes need to have some type of medication to keep the symptoms controlled. Mental illness refers to a wide range of mental health conditions- disorders that affect your mood, thinking, and behavior. I have depression and I've been fighting it since I was twelve. I felt out of energy, hopeless, suicidal, unimportant, worthless, and alone. I felt like the world hated me and that no one would like me. I was insecure and thought badly of myself. I couldn't even look in the mirror because I thought I was ugly and was embarrassed to walk in public with the way I looked. At the age of thirteen was when the depression came full force. I was being made fun of by people around me, no one would want to be my friend and I was always being ignored. Every night I cried, cried until I was out of tears and that sometimes released my pain. A week or so later, I decided to go on the internet to create friends and to see if they would like me for my personality and not the way I look. This is the first time that I went online to meet people and I was so desperate to make a friend. I met this guy, he told me he lived close to me and that he was only eighteen years old. We talked and talked. We became friends and I was happy. The mistake I made was giving him my address and other information. The guy followed me, came to my house, and watched me. I didn't know that. I soon found out that he wasn't eighteen, that he was forty-eight years old and he was found by the cops because he did it to other young girls. The man was sent to jail and I'm not sure if he is still in prison. Not too long after that, I went back to the internet to make a friend. It was a group and there were nice people on thee but there were mean people. I had posted one of my poems about what I'm going through and about my feelings. This twenty-five-year-old man started bullying me. He told me to hurt myself and to kill myself. He also called me so many horrible things that hurt me so bad. That broke me and I started self-harming. I told someone in the group that I was going to kill myself as soon as my mom went to bed. They found where I lived and called 911. That was the first time I was sent to the hospital to get help. Throughout 2013-2017 I was in the hospital 14 times, been on medication, and just been having a horrible time. When I make friends, they only use me and made me think I have friends when they don't think of me as theirs. I am still suffering from depression, but I haven't self-harmed in a few months, and I am not insecure. I realized that what people say to me isn't important but what I think about myself is what matters the most. I made mistakes about going online to talk to people older than me but through that experience, I learned my lesson. I shouldn't take what others negativity to heart. I am not ashamed to share my story because I want to let others know to be careful with who to talk to. The internet can be good but also can be bad. I may be seventeen but I finally found amazing friends who care about me for me and not the way I look. So, don't judge a book by its cover because you don't know what it's been through unless you read it.
February 8, 2018