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Obesity Satire Essay
78 million adults and 13 million children in America are dealing with health and emotional problems because they can’t stop eating(“Understanding the American Obesity Epidemic”). I must say, it is with great sorrow that we see young children, of ages eight or eighteen, or even adults, of ages twenty five or sixty, struggling to even take a few steps, some accompanied by wheelchairs, some desperately having to stay at home due to immobility and some who are left to no use. These are the ones who become either successful and are able to lose weight, or become useless individuals. All of these problems are because they are not very thin.
These obese individuals are ultimately misguided by their peers, whether it be by their caring and loving parents or the people they spend their days with. In our society, unhealthy foods are as accessible as the bathroom. And to make matters worse, these foods are sold at the price of a penny. You would think finding a solution to this problem is simple; well, I would agree with you. Instead of trying to solve this problem, our country seems to keep promoting obesity, yet you will still find an emotional story about those suffering in the news every other evening.
My goal here is to not only help those who are suffering from eating 5 chickens a day, but to also benefit the country. If we, as Americans, spend over 20 billion dollars on weight loss schemes, why are there still so many fat people in this country (“Why Are Americans Obese”)? I, therefore, propose a solution that I am sure will solve this issue; to sew the mouths of these obese individuals for one month. This is an inexpensive fix that will eliminate any and all temptations obese people may have to keep eating. The proposal is as as modest as killing all newborn babies. I have been told by a friend of my mother, Dr. Patty Smith, the most educated and knowledgeable doctor of our society, that such a solution will improve many aspects of our nation. Dr. Smith is an obese woman who is a pediatrician and specializes in childhood obesity. She believes that these weight loss programs are nonsense, and that they are only there to make us gain more weight (Smith).
I believe that the advantages to my proposal are of great importance and will have a long lasting effect on our country’s financial and social situations.
Firstly, companies will have to spend less dollars on making extra large clothing. I find that this is actually a real struggle for overweight individuals. Finding the right style is one thing, but being able to find something that fits you is another. Now, this will not be a concern because with weights drastically decreasing, making clothes based on weight will not matter. With my new and impressive solution, one size will fit all.
Secondly, the demand for fatty foods will decrease which means the country will surely save a great amount of money by spending less on food. America will no longer need to offer meals like 13 pound burgers or pizzas that are the size of the White House. This money can be spent on more useful things.
Thirdly, doctors will have less burden of seeing patients with such complex problems. Of all the occupations in the world, doctors should have the least burden. But now, they won’t have to worry about all the useless diet control plans and checking up on their patients every few weeks to see if they were able to lose those few pounds.
Fourthly, the profit of sewing companies will skyrocket. Sewing the mouths of obese people? Doesn’t that mean they need a needle and thread for, I might say, every 10th person you see walking around? At least the money is being used in a better way.
Fifthly, health care costs will reduce for the government. The risk for diseases like cardiovascular disease and diabetes will drastically decrease, which means expenses for both hospitals and individuals will also do the same. Of course, this money will be used by the sewing companies.
Sixthly, the gym membership fees will decrease! No more fat people will be going to the gym! Here is the chance for all you lazy bums to start losing weight while you can. You wouldn’t want the gyms to close down, otherwise, I’m afraid everyone’s mouths will be sewn.
These are only six of many advantages to this solution. Despite this, I must say, I am expecting an objection to my creative solution; that obese people will not agree to this “absurd” solution. To this statement, I will say one thing. At least this epidemic can be put to an end, and if anything, the country will have less health care and other financial costs.
If you have a better solution, I invite you to come and have a discussion with me. However, I do not want you to come if you will talk of other expedients: For the education of living a healthy life; For adults to adopt healthy eating habits so that their kids can follow them; For increasing exercise or some type of physical activity; For schools and restaurants to promote healthy diets and avoid selling high fat foods; and For starting the management of obesity from childhood. None of these are true solutions. Adults these days promote obesity because they simply leave it up to the child. They are lazy, and do not care about what is healthy. If these adults are not able to implement such a simple practice on their kids, how do they expect them to live healthy and long lives? Well, now parents will be punished as their laziness will result to no food for both themselves and their dearest children.
I announce, from the bottom of my heart, that I do not have any pleasure in sewing the mouths of obese people. I am sincerely concerned about obesity becoming an epidemic in this country. It is affecting the population at large, financially, socially and from the health perspective. I hope that this modest proposal will open the eyes of those who do not take this problem seriously, and wish this country all the best in resolving this issue.
Maryland Heights, MO