Hide and Seek With Your Mind

By , Boston, MA
Ever have those nights when you scream in terror and pain? When your world is black but your mind is white? You try to calm your mind, body and spirit down, but nothing happens.

The anxiety takes over. You struggle to keep your breath steady. Try not to panic. "Wake up! Wake up!" You try to coax your mind to stop it. Stop everything. Nothing works. The dream contniues. "Is six months a long enough time to cry for your mommy, little girl?" The villian says with a maniacal laugh at the end of his sentence while slipping a rope around your neck. WAKE UP! Now you're in a panic. Thrashing around your bed. Trying to escape the pain, the horror! He kicks the ladder out from under you...

You awake to a slight tingling feeling down your face. You're crying. But you're awake now. You get up and walk to your window, open the shades and remind yourself its just a night terror. Your anxiety levels were sky rocketing to Pluto and beyond. You grab a tissue and head to your bed.

Now you're sitting there, hugging your pillow like thats the best weapon against anythingn that attacks. Yeah right. You're out of it, like you've been awake all night for five nights. Thinking about it, you probably have.

But you still hold on to the feeling..."It was just a dream".
Truth is, was it?

You come downstairs to find your parents happy. Everything alright. You grab a muffin and head to the table. "How did you sleep honey?" Your mom asks you. "Just fine" you mumble into your muffin.

She knows you have anxiety attacks. They've been going on for almost a year now. They scare her. But if she only knew the terror they brought on upon you. The terror as you scream and always, just when the ladder will fall, you awake. Panic stricken and filled with horror.
................
Wheres the reality in all of this?
You don't know. Was this real? Or fake? Are you here or there? Its like playing a game of hide and seek, or looking for the Boogie Man under your bed when you're five...Except this time, you never find whats REALLY hiding under your bed.





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