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I Think Therefore, I Am


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I believe in myself more than anything. I believe that no matter what life throws at me, I will not only handle it, but conquer it. Out of all the things in my life, I feel that my confidence is one of the most important.
I want to share my story with you, not because it is something extraordinary. It's not. My story is one of the thousands of people dealing with Generalized Anxiety and Panic Disorder. But I want to share my story so that anyone who is feeling the way I felt will no longer feel alone.

When I came to college three years ago, I was diagnosed with both of these disorders. I could not sleep. I could not calm down and I lived in complete terror every day. My panic attacks led to trips in the ambulance and the pain in my chest made me think I was dying of a heart attack. I felt defenseless and lowerless against my self.

I felt like a prisoner in my own body. I will forever remember looking in the mirror and just wanting to give up because working to control my anxiety had exhausted me beyond belief. I wanted to go home and I wanted to be with my parents.

There was one particular time when I passed out on the floor in the bathroom and I was getting up wishing more than anything that I was not alone anymore. I reached for the bathroom door wishing my mom would be on the other side to help me through this, but I knew she wasn't.

I let myself become a victim. I victimized myself and felt sorry for myself for a long time. Until I decided that I was stronger than my panic attacks. I could figure out a way to get my life under control. I could find a way to control the anxiety.

For about three years now, I have been going to counseling with an open mind. This, I realized, is very personal informaiton but is something I think is necessary for anyone reading this to know. I have been working my hardest to get healthy for the past three years and I am seeing results that I never thought possible.

When I look in the mirror now, I no longer see a pathetic, defeated girl. I see a strong, confident woman. I see that I have taken control of the worst time in my life and have tried to make it into a positive experience. I have decided to become a survivor rather than see myself as a victim.

I have done nothing out of the ordinary. I had an obstacle in front of me and I did whatever it took to overcome it. There are thousands dealing with my same issue every day. But most times, they let anxiety define them. But I believe in me. I define myself.



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This article has 2 comments. Post your own!

GracieLynn said...
Mar. 23, 2010 at 2:35 pm:
i can totally relate. i appriciate how open you are, it helps to know that im not alone. thank you:)
 
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julez1540 said...
May 24, 2009 at 6:27 am:
awesome! i love this. great job.
 
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