For the millionth time, I am alone. I don’t know how much longer I can take it. I just got back with the slightest hope that they might let me participate. That hope, that little sliver of light, has been extinguished. I want to play, they say no. I want to talk, they leave. She is hanging out with my best friend, and I can’t even hang out with her without splitting everybody up and hurting somebody’s feelings. I have contemplated not doing this anymore. Then I remember. There are still people who love me. What would I be doing to them if I left? It does not end the pain, it just gives it to others. Things have gotten better; I have made new friends, but I still remember all the things she has done to me. She has called me retarded, and never let me come within five feet of her. Things improved, but she still has not changed much. She hasn’t realized that no matter what is going on in her life, it gives her no right to put her burden on the shoulders of others. There are times when she shows her true colors, of which are not pretty. An assortment of grays and blacks. I have decided to forgive her because I know she must be going through hard times, but I will always remember the days when I was just a shadow hidden behind a brick wall.