I, for one, never took bullying too seriously. It was always the sticks and stones and ‘just ignore it’ method for me and for the longest time, I could never understand why a kid would take an insult so seriously, especially when it came from someone who was so obviously not worth their time. I couldn’t see why they couldn’t get over it and move on. So they called you a b****, get over it. I could never see why the bullied had to take it to the principal or administrators. Fight your own battles. Learn to take some criticism and get on with your life. I was insensitive to the hurt that these words caused. Words that beat down on these kids like rain on a tin roof, echoing pain and tears. I used to think they were so weak. People say mean things all the time, what’s so different about you? What makes your story any worse than the last?
Sure, it made me sad to learn of the kids that committed suicide after relentless bullying from their peers. It was a shame, such a waste of an unmolded life. A flame snuffed out in a world of dark. No one ever knew the impact that one flicker of light could cause. No one realized how fragile the flame was; one burst of air, the slight blow of the breeze could cause it to falter and die. This was never realized until they were no longer there. The silent pleas of help echoed in the memories of the kids who took no notice until it was too late. The inaudible cries of pain turned suddenly to screams.
“You did this to me!! You inhuman, unloving beasts! You ridicule, you insult, you hurt! You never learn. Is this what it takes to teach you?! Will my death be the example?!”
It haunts those who knew that they in a way had caused it. Thoughts of remorse torment the ones responsible.
“What have we done? What have we done? He was such a nice kid. He was such a good person. What a waste of a good life. What have we done?”
Should it take the funeral of your classmate to make you realize the impact that your words and actions have? Should the bullied kids show you their wrists- slashed, red, broken, and scarred-so that you notice the hurt you’ve caused?
I guess it was me being bullied that finally made me realize all of this. I was never one to bully; I found no entertainment in it. I was a bystander. I saw it happen, I saw the hurt, and as if my mouth was stitched closed, I didn’t say a word. I turned a blind eye to it and pretended like it never happened. Bullying was always something that happened in the movies. No one would really go so far as to intentionally hurt or embarrass someone so much that they would want to hurt themselves… would they?
You were bullied once too. I know you were because I was the one that kept you from taking your life that night. You would have done it too. You were called stupid, annoying, gay, asshole, fag, idiot. They made you feel so worthless. They took away your identity. For months I came to school and saw the cuts on your wrists and arms. I prayed each night you would stop.
So why do you do it to me? Why do you spread rumors and talk about me behind my back? Why do you send your friends up to me to say mean and hurtful things? They hurt. They cut into my flesh like a knife, piercing my soul and making me wish I could just disappear. I can’t concentrate on my school work and when I walk in that building, I feel threatened, like I’m anticipating an attack, both verbal and physical. For four months I’ve dealt with this, hoping that by ignoring you, you’ll shrink back into the crowd and leave me alone. I find myself hoping that you’ll grow up and mature and stop. That you and your friends will stop calling me names. All I hear before I go to sleep is slut, b****, whore, stupid, ugly, hoe, fat, pregnant, worthless, liar, skank. You know how much it hurts. You know how utterly worthless you make me feel, yet you continue. Do you not remember how you felt years ago when you were being bullied?! Think back and think hard, because you are now causing something that years ago you wouldn’t dream of.
I guess I have a different perspective on bullying now. Maybe this was a wake-up call. I’m going to do something about the bullying and harassment. I don’t know yet what it is, but I will figure something out. To those of you out there that have been bullied and are being bullied, know this. YOU ARE NOT ALONE! You are beautiful and your life is worth so much more than you think.
To those of you that are bullying, let me say this. Grow up. Think about the impact that you have on someone’s life. Think the worst. Think that they may take their life because of you. Then think about if you really want that on your conscience for the rest of your life. Is it worth it? Is it worth attending their funeral and knowing that you were part of the reason they are no longer here?
Words do hurt and although they have the power to break you down, they have the power to rebuild you again. You are unique and you are beautiful. You are smart and you are kind. You are loved and you are important. And you have the power to put a smile on someone’s face. But most importantly, you are worth so much more than you can imagine.