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Revenge Reversed

By , Neenah, WI
I walk along the cold, dew covered, four foot dock which hung over the small pond that consumed my backyard. I watch my feet leave footprints on the old planks, counting the steps it takes to get to the end. This is the dock where I once shared secrets with my best friend who lived next door. This is the dock where we got pictures together with our dates to the 8th grade dance. Off this dock, we jumped into the pond on one hot summer day. This was where I held her when she was crying after her parents got a divorce. This was the dock where we ended our friendship, and the dock where we argued over Facebook about who I thought she was becoming. But most importantly of all, this was the dock where I murdered her.
You are probably thinking that I am some cold blooded girl with no heart. I guess to some extent that’s true. I will never forgive myself for what I did, no matter how hard I may try. Everyone expected me to go to her funeral. Everyone expected me to be crying. Everyone expected me to just go unseen, to stop living my life. But I was never one to do what everyone expected. I never went to her funeral, I never cried, I kept going on with life as if it never happened, as if it wasn’t my fault. But it was.
She found new friends, she moved on from our friendship, and I couldn’t accept that. I still wanted to be close. So as a result of pure jealously, I started texting her mean things. I spread rumors of her secrets that she trusted me with on her life.
I honestly did not intend for things to go as far as they did, but I guess that’s what happens with rumors. Through every person who passes the rumor on, the things get nastier. One small seed developed into a giant tree of hate that everyone heard about. I never realized that it wasn’t just me who texted her mean things.
It was because of my selfish emotions that she couldn’t take the bullying anymore. It was because of me that she went to the bridge. It was because of me that she never stopped walking when she got to the end, exactly one year ago today. No one can understand the guilt that I live with each and every minute of my conscious life. Everyone blames me, and I completely deserve it. I blame myself too. I didn’t go to her funeral, didn’t cry, because I don’t deserve to. I will not make another thing about myself in my life.
I am not writing this story for pity. That’s the last thing I want right now. I’m writing this so everyone will understand how much one rumor and a few texts can impact someone’s life. Many say that once you are bullied, you know what it feels like so you wouldn’t do it to someone else. Well that’s wrong on so many levels. When you get bullied, when people treat you horrible, it gives you all the reasons in the world to want to make someone else feel the same way. You want to take your pain out on something; you think that maybe if you put someone else down, it will bring yourself up maybe even a little bit. Guys, I have been there. It’s natural to feel that way. But I can guarantee you that nothing good will come out of being mean to people.
As hard it is to accept, sometimes the best thing to do in a situation is to leave it be. If I learned anything, it’s that being angry can make you do things you would never do in the normal state of mind. Being bullied is hard and sometimes seems impossible, but being the actual Bully is ten times worse. Please just think twice before you do something that you would regret. I know that if I would have thought twice about what I was doing when I started the rumor, then my old best friend would still be alive.

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This article has 3 comments. Post your own now!

heyits_sarah said...
Apr. 3, 2013 at 7:16 pm
I think that this captures the view of the bully so well. I am so sorry to hear this story, and I am glad you are stong enough to write about it. Great Job!
bookmouse said...
Apr. 2, 2013 at 7:31 pm
Can I use this for a presentation/workshop on cyber bullying?
Kat_Poetry replied...
Apr. 3, 2013 at 7:07 pm
Yeah, go ahead!
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