My name's Dana Im 17 years old. My past hurts me more times than I can count. When I was little I would call myself 'Freedom' no care,no problems,no teenagers,nothing that could interfere with me and God. On my 5th birthday my dad who rarely gets me a present or let alone an animal let me pick out a kitten right when I walked into that barn I was in love with a white cat now this cat is NOTHING compared to any other he had different designs on him he didnt mind if I accidentally stepped on him. He was a boy cat though and I've always loved the name Emily so that boy cat was named Emily. I grew up with Emily I didnt have many friends so Emily was my secret holder,my hugs and kisses when I cried,my protector against bugs we were best friends. When I was 8 we moved and long story short, I was diagnosed with a blood disorder called ITP where I can bruise,bleed very easily I couldnt ride my bike,jump on my bed,run around in the trees like I use to but Emily was always by my side ready to step on my stomach when I would start to cry, cause needles were never my thing but I've been poked with a needle about 400 times and now I'm so use to the needles it makes me giggle. We moved again to Iowa when I was 13, teenage years where kids want to be your friend,that first zip makes you gag when it pops,and as a girl the period. I love soccer its my sport but when I moved to Iowa they didnt have a soccer team so my mom started one up with the local Rec Center this. Now I wasnt the skinniest I was 5'6 when I was 13 and weighed 190 this boy randomly shouted "You're names Sassquatch cause you're a sass and you look like a squash!" I've never been called a name before I've never had a boy look at me like I was a piece of week old dead fish I went home and cried for 2 hours so at 13 I stopped eating, right then and there I drank water and ate 5 crackers and that was my meal for the day I lost 40 pounds in 6 months so now weighing 150 and being 5'6 I decided I deserved a total of 500 calories everyday. Soon I was 15 years old I was almost 5'8 for my height... and weighed 110. As Im walking up to the church that boy was walking into the church so I couldnt wait to flash him a smile, as im washing the table he was sitting at he looks me dead in the eye and says "You're ugly."... that was hard to hear I maintained 110 pounds for a year until I went in to check my platelets I sat down on the table and it hurts to sit cause I could feel my butt bones and thigh bones and back bones so I was rolling everywhere. The Dr came in and practically screamed out how ugly I looked,how bony and white I looked,and I cried and cried as she pointed out every flaw on me and then she told me to see a therapist.. I couldnt believe it a Dr. was judging me just like everyone else. I went home stared at myself in the mirror did jumping jacks,jogged,and drank water, Emily was by my side though I thanked God for him but I couldnt stand God anymore after a while cause why would he created something like this so disgusting and ugly with so many flaws? who would do that? December 21st 2010, As I clutch my 10 year old best friend Emily with his with white fur and blue eyes that looked at me with love and compassion, and my protector, died in my arms. Before he died I whispered in his ear "Ill always love you, ill be healthy someday and Ill always make sure snakes dont get me" as I lay my head so he can see me I watch those blue compassionate eyes fade to black and feel my soul,and every secret I held get thrown to the sky. I cried that whole day and night I didnt know a body could hold that many tears, I woke up the next morning feeling like I got knocked off a horse and trampled on. Later on I learned I had a low thyroid which made me gain about 40 pounds in 5 weeks...I then realized God loves me so much he wants me to live,to eat,and to be confident in myself. Im 17 years old almost 18 I weigh 155 lift weights every other night,Have been flirted by that one boy now that I look this way,I dont trust a lot of people,am the most sarcastic funniest person you could meet,still stuck with my blood disorder,and still cry to this day every night bout how much I crave for a friend who looked at me with compassion,and protected me like Emily. I dont trust anyone...But I make sure everyone knows compassion,and love,and acceptance through me... I dont feel anything cause of the guard I've put around my heart,but sometimes when I knock down a little bit of that brick wall, Its a past that haunts me. My name is Dana and you've been introduced to only half of my past.