You Blame Me? I Blame You.

Dear Society,

I have been trying to escape you for far too long. Hundreds and thousands of years have gone by, and yet here I remain, imprisoned by your impulsive desires.

You have taken advantage of me, leading not only to your personal demise, but to that of my reputation and moral.

Do you think I want to be a monster? The killer of uncountable numbers? The catalyst of depression, self loathing, and pain?

Do you think I get some sort of satanic pleasure out of it all? The moment when a grandmother realizes her trust has been betrayed, her jewelry been stolen to be traded for something else? The look on a child's face as he tends to his mess of a mother?

Do you really believe that something so evil could exist?

I never wanted any of this. I am not "evil". All I wanted was to peacefully coexist, to be part of our wonderful world.

But now all I can want is to disappear; only then may my conscience begin to escape the bottomless black pit that you have dug for it.

You blame me? I blame you.

Feel free to continue wallowing in your problems, or those of your family or friends. Feel guilty for not having said something sooner. Feel responsible for every bad thing that has happened. Feel helpless in the face of such a grave situation.

Feel that way, deal with your emotions, and eventually come to accept that things were out of your control. It was not your fault.

Feel that way, and move on. But when you move on, remember me.

I feel guilt. I feel responsible. I feel helpless.

I AM guilty. I AM responsible. I AM helpless.

This is all my fault.

I hate myself, and that's on you.

Please, just let me go.

Sincerely,
Addiction (to the substance of your choosing)





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waffjay said...
May 8, 2010 at 1:31 am
really powerful. i don't know if you were speaking from personal experienece, but if you were, i struggle with addiction too. that was very well-written. and i agree, addiction is fueled by society. how could anyone ever want this? it's impossible
 
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