For the last four years, my mom has been struggling financially. The whole story of how she ended up in that situation is very long, and no one in the family can agree on how it all came about and who is to blame. At the beginning of the Summer, I really thought my mom was going to be stable. My dad and stepmom agreed to let me live with her. While I was with her, my life was actually moving along. She was teaching me to drive and helping me look for a job, and I felt that I had a place with her. I've always felt that I have a place with her. I've been the only one who has kept faith in her. She used to do and say things that made everyone think she was crazy, but I tried not to judge her. But there were plenty of times during the Summer I spent with her when things threatened to fall apart again, and my resentment got between us. Finally, just before school started, the electricity was finally shut off, and my dead insisted that I move back in with him. Since then, my mom has barely communicated with me. I went over to her house last week, and it was a wreck. The pets were dead or dying. She wasn't there. No one has heard from her, and I don't expect to see her again.
I don't get along with my dad and stepmom, and so I feel that I need to just stop being a burden to them and taking time and energy that would be better spent improving the lives of my little sisters. I'm turning eighteen in December, and I need to move on. But the fact is that I can't drive well enough to get my license and I have no real prospects for getting a job. My grandmother has offered to let me live with her until I get all of this figured out. I appreciate this offer and I don't really have any better options, but it kills me to be separated from my two close friends.
Even if I gain independence and I still have people who are willing to help me, that doesn't fill the hole that my mother has left in my life. I don't even know if she is alive. I resent her, but most of all I wish that there was some way I could make sure that she is safe. I hurt my relationship with the rest of my family by taking her side, and now she's gone.
I don't expect a lot of advice; I just need to talk about all this while I'm trying to decide what to do next.