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My mother has disappeared

TheCapturedBat posted this thread...
Oct. 17, 2013 at 6:19 pm

For the last four years, my mom has been struggling financially. The whole story of how she ended up in that situation is very long, and no one in the family can agree on how it all came about and who is to blame. At the beginning of the Summer, I really thought my mom was going to be stable. My dad and stepmom agreed to let me live with her. While I was with her, my life was actually moving along. She was teaching me to drive and helping me look for a job, and I felt that I had a place with her. I've always felt that I have a place with her. I've been the only one who has kept faith in her. She used to do and say things that made everyone think she was crazy, but I tried not to judge her. But there were plenty of times during the Summer I spent with her when things threatened to fall apart again, and my resentment got between us. Finally, just before school started, the electricity was finally shut off, and my dead insisted that I move back in with him. Since then, my mom has barely communicated with me. I went over to her house last week, and it was a wreck. The pets were dead or dying. She wasn't there. No one has heard from her, and I don't expect to see her again. 
I don't get along with my dad and stepmom, and so I feel that I need to just stop being a burden to them and taking time and energy that would be better spent improving the lives of my little sisters. I'm turning eighteen in December, and I need to move on. But the fact is that I can't drive well enough to get my license and I have no real prospects for getting a job. My grandmother has offered to let me live with her until I get all of this figured out. I appreciate this offer and I don't really have any better options, but it kills me to be separated from my two close friends. 
Even if I gain independence and I still have people who are willing to help me, that doesn't fill the hole that my mother has left in my life. I don't even know if she is alive. I resent her, but most of all I wish that there was some way I could make sure that she is safe. I hurt my relationship with the rest of my family by taking her side, and now she's gone. 
I don't expect a lot of advice; I just need to talk about all this while I'm trying to decide what to do next.

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RainWashed replied...
Mar. 17, 2014 at 6:18 pm

I've read some of your work and we've communicated a little through the comments. I've been left by my father and I can't even imagine what it would feel like to be left by my mother. But right now it sounds like the place where it would be safest for you would be with your grandmother. She sounds like she can offer you a place to continue to grow and develop into the person you're meant to become. I get that you don't want to leave behind siblings and friends but maybe it would be a good idea to go with your grandmother because she probably doesn't feel as betrayed by you going to live with your mother. And no matter how hurt your father was by that he will always love you. I get the whole trying not to offend the other parent because you want to see the other. I understand the struggle and if you ever need to talk I'm always here. :)

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TheCapturedBat replied...
Mar. 19, 2014 at 12:35 pm

Thanks for being here for me. Now that I know what it's like to be abandoned by a parent, I can imagine so much more clearly what you've been through.
Since I posted this thread, I have moved in with my grandmother. It has gone smoothly enough so far. I've just been really lonely, especially since I'm not even in school right now. It has been hard for me to find opportunities to see my friends again, and my sisters only visit every now and then. My mother is talking to me again, and I can't even tell you how happy I am that she's okay, but she has left the state and is living an entirely new life, and there's no way for things to be the same between us. 

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RainWashed replied...
Mar. 19, 2014 at 6:58 pm

I'm glad to hear that things are getting better, or at least that you've moved in with your grandmother. Just try to remember that she will probably get annoying at times because she might try to be something that she's not, which is your mother. I'm also glad to hear that you've heard from your mother. But I would be weary to start relying on her again because she's hurt you before and the best way to predict the future actions of someone is to look at their past actions. I know people can change but from my own personal experience with my father is that people are who they are at the core. If you ever need to talk I'm still here for you.

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ansem_unlimited replied...
Dec. 8, 2014 at 12:13 pm

it's tough it seems... i personally can not relate since i have had a super suportive family my whole life... but I know than she must miss you as much a you miss her, you'll see her one day.

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Mulan replied...
Feb. 13, 2015 at 5:15 pm

I'm so sorry about your mom. Especially being so close. But when you live with your dad and stepmom, try to get along with them. Maybe suggest an activity that you could do together. But if you ever feel sad about your mom, always feel free to ask someone about it. It's never good to hold on to that type of burden. If you ever feel alone or upset, please feel free to tell me. I'm listening.

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