For 12 years my dad has been trying to make me feel guilty about not seeing him and thinks its all my fault. Even after everything he's done to me, he thinks its my fault for not wanting to see him, evertime he sent me a bday card he talks about me not seeing him and how much he wishes i would come to him, and says he loves me, but then i get stuff like 'maybe we can spend your next bday together if you want or even care', or that ' I know we dont have a real father and daughter relationship.' I dont know how he can go from saying words of love to words of murder. It just makes my heart break, then after my mom got re-married, i thought maybe my step-dad would be better but no. After i got a little older, around eight or so, long story short basically abuse not as bad as some people but bad enough. Thankfully my mom divorced him but two dads(still putting up with the first ones crap) and both of the loves seemed so real but now so fake and i just cant help but feel like im just the "throw away daughter"
you should not feel obligated to see your father. Next time he sends you something like that write him a "Thank You" letter but write how much you hate the things he says
I really do understand how you feel, but I think you just need to communicate clearly how you really feel. Men are often oblivious and maybe because you're reading from the card you misinterpret what he really meant to say. I would just try to be honest and communicate those feelings to the both of them. And I know this won't be comforting at first, but they both love to you their fullest extent. They can only give you what they have. It will take a while before that means anything useful to you but those words have caused me to attain great peace. I hope this really helps.