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Zoe_Writer posted this thread...
Apr. 14, 2013 at 7:28 pm

I have a happy family. We live comfortable, even though our house could have been bigger, our cars better, our clothes designer, etc. My dad works two jobs, one as a full-time firefighter, the other as a part-time nurse. Before I was born, my mom was a DNA analyst. When I came along, my mom quit her job, so she could spend time with me.  She never went back to work, even after my sister was born. I'm in my teens now, and she's just beginning to substitute at schools every once in a while. My mom and I have fights constantly. She often says that she quit her job so I could learn right from wrong, and not go to daycare every day. She's said that she regrets quitting her job, and states how everything in our lives could have been better or the things bigger. I don't think that there's ever a day that I go to school and not think about what she said, or what I said. I hate fighting. And it's gotten so big that I feel like I've dug a hole, and I can't get out. She doesn't call me names, like "You're stupid." She says, "You are acting stupid." She doesn't say that exactly, but since I'm not going to post inappropriate things, I'll use that as an example. She yells at me every single time I do something. I've gotten to the point where I feel like if I even move wrong, she'll become angry with me. One of the things that she says very often is, "It's all your fault." And I know that I do have a short temper. I do yell back at her. I do say hurtful things from time to time. I do cause arguments sometimes. But I think it's unfair for her to blame everything on me. Nobody is perfect. She causes many arguments by yelling at me. When she yells at me, what am I supposed to do? Sit in a corner and let her throw hurtful comments at me? I yell back. But the difference is, when I do say something hurtful, I apologize. She doesn't. She says that because she is the parent and I am the child, she doesn't have to. She HATES admitting she's wrong. Sometimes, she'll throw things at me or hit me on the head with a newspaper, or slap me. She's not abusive, and it doesn't hurt me physically. I barely feel anything. It's not about the way these things affect me physically, it's inside that hurts the most. I can't understand why she does it to me. And sure, all of us have those times when we want to hit somebody too. But I can guarantee that almost 99% don't hit back. I don't. So I think it's unfair that she does it to me. I don't do it her, why do it to me? I have days where I want to run away, and escape from all of the fighting and drama. I have days where I can't take it anymore, and I've whipped through my house, destroying everything. I have days that I sit in the corner and cry my heart out. I have rare days that my family is all happy, and yet, somewhere in my heart, I'm upset. And that is depressing to me, that I'm never happy. I can't understand why, and that frustrates me even more. I have a relatively happy family, my parents love me, my sister loves me, I have friends, I have food, I’m not abused, I'm not neglected, I have clothes, I play soccer, I go to church, I sing in the choir; yet I'm still not happy. I don't know why. Some days, I'll be sitting in class, doing normal things, when I have this sudden rush of anger and frustration. And because there is no reason to be upset, I get more upset. I ask myself what is wrong with me. Not knowing why I’m frustrated makes me more frustrated. I know it doesn't make sense, but that is occurring more often. My parents take me to a counselor now, and they go too. I realize I've shut my parents out of my life, but multiple things piled on top until they were as tall as Mt. Everest. I used to let my parents read my writing, and then one day, my mom said she didn't care. I know she was upset, and didn't really mean it, but I stopped showing them, and stopped sharing things with them. I put a cork on my life, and let everything bottle up inside. Meanwhile, at school, in my writing class, we were doing a writer’s workshop. I had to submit a poem and my emotions kind of crept into my writing. I wrote two poems titled, “Fine”, and “Alone”.  At home, I was typing them and Microsoft Word had a problem. My mom sent me to bed, to get some sleep, and she tried to fix it. Apparently, she fixed it and read my poems. Then, she called my dad at work and read them to him over the phone. The next morning, she made a comment, like “Oh, you’re so alone.” It was sarcastic and I realized she’d read my poems. After a long time, all of my comments and self-pity that I’d bottled up exploded. I was like a soda bottle. The gas and pressure got greater and greater until the cap popped. And when it did, it went all over. I was LIVID with my mother. I hadn’t invited her to read my work. If I wanted her to read something, I would have given it to her, or read it myself. That day, I was an absolute mess. I went to school, and got into my carpool’s car, bawling my eyes. When I had finally calmed down, my dad called me. I got onto the train, and everybody was staring. I looked like my whole family had died. I was yelling at him and snot was running down my nose. Tears were pouring so fast and so thickly, I’m surprised I didn’t run out of them. I told him how I felt, while everyone on the train just stared in disbelief. Usually at school, I tried to hide my problems at home and my insecurities. Only my closest friends knew about what was going on. When I got on the train, and they saw that scenario, I think they thought I was mental. I was screaming at my dad, and I didn’t care at that point who heard or what they thought. I figured out later, that one of my close friends went to the school counselor, and told her I was having problems. If you’ve felt this way before, or have something to say, please say it. I need someone to talk to, and to help me with your comments. Just post what you think about my story, or what you think I should do. Thanks! PLEASE COMMENT.

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Artgirl1999 replied...
Apr. 14, 2013 at 9:41 pm

Okay. Well, I have never been through anything like this, but I'll give it a shot.

Talk to your mom. Sit her down when neither of you is busy and tell her how you feel. Tell her you love her. There's a chance she feels inadequate, like she's not providing enough for her family. Tell her you have everything you need, and build her up if you can. Get to the root of the problems you're having.

If that doesn't work, talk to your dad. I don't know how involved he is with you, but you should touch base with him about the fights and stuff you've been having with your mom (though he probably knows) and how you feel. Maybe he can be the mediator between you two.

Going forward, be the better person. Control your temper. Be respectful of your mother. She may see how your attitude has changed,and change her own.

I don't know if you're a Christian, and I don't want to preach to you, but if you aren't, maybe God is trying to tell you something.

Hope this helps. :)

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Falling.Up. replied...
May 15, 2013 at 9:45 am

yeah, i agree... i mean,  you cant really do anything, you know? just talk to her, and maybe she's going through something mentally... 
your dad might be able to help, if you and him have a healthy relationship, and if he and your mom have a healthy relationship..
i also agree with the Christian thing.. just talk to God about it or something.. ill pray for your situation if it helps!! ^.^

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SunballSunny replied...
May 16, 2013 at 1:46 pm

i kno how you feel i always have arguemnets with my mom and i cant even talk to her about anything anymore................

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6.2830 replied...
May 28, 2013 at 11:19 pm

Ouch. This is tough. Does she often cut you off when your trying to explain? Try writing on paper to her and putting somewhere were she will find it alone. Also, (this sounds totally cheesy) but she just probably wants to hear that u love her, which it sounds like you do.

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