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Aeliss-Novak posted this thread...
Jul. 22, 2012 at 4:17 pm

I rarely rant, so I have a lot to say right now.

 

I have two "groups" of siblings. The older group, and the younger one. I'm in the younger group. There is a six year gap between one of my brothers and Inyri (a sister), so that's the separation thing.

Inyri, one of my older sisters, also in the younger group, is not one to dump problems on. If you knew her, you'd know what I mean.

Garyn (these are screen names btw), is one of my older brothers, whom I am close to, but also isn't one to dump problems on, and he isn't all that close to my younger siblings.

There is a huge thing going on with my family. Huge. And really stressful. My mom will come in to my room, crying, sometimes and talk with me. It hurts to see my mom cry. Until a couple years ago, the only time I saw her cry was when our old dog died, and that shocked me because that was the first time I'd ever seen her cry.

Now it's pretty much every week.

When my younger sister (I'll call her MB, those aren't her initials, it's just a nickname) was around eight, she was great. A sweet, happy little girl who I'd NEVER get mad at, who'd NEVER yell at me. Then around nine, she started to change. I hoped it was just a phase, my mom blamed it on "preteen years". I never acted the way she did at that age, or any age really.

She started to get mean. When anything happened that she didn't like she'd go into her room and talk to herself, loudly, about how we were all "monsters who hated her, and it wasn't fair". At first it was kind of funny.

But it just keeps getting worse. She's twelve now, and stuck in her own corner of the room, ignoring everyone else.

I've always been there for her. When she breaks down over something andcries, I'M ALWAYS the one who's there to talk to her and try to cheer her up. She dumps all her problems in me, takes her anger out on me, our little brother, and one of our neices and nephew. I'm always the one to calm her down and let her vent.

And she's never shown any gratitude.

I've got so many more problems than her. She is so protected, she has no idea how harsh the world can be, but she thinks SHE is the one who's got it bad.

Our oldest brother is being driven across the country because of his problems, and she doesn't even get how hard that is for all of us.

She's become a viscous, violent, selfish, lazy person. She keeps blowing up in my face about the tiniest things. She'll be laughing one second and screaming in my face the next. Right before lunch I was going to wash the dishes and I asked her to empty the dishwasher for me.

Half an hour later, she still hadn't, and was walking as slowly as she could across the kitchen with her earbuds in so she could delay having to work.

There was a potted plant next to me, and a leaf had fallen off. Her earbids made it so she couldn't hear me, so I broke the leaf in half and threw the peices at her.

The first peice hit her cheek, and she looked up blanklt at me. I threw the second peice, and it hit her chest.

She yelled at me and grabbed her EYE, saying I threw a leaf into her EYE. It hit her CHEST.

She stormed downstairs, refusing to help.

 

Something like this happens EVERY SINGLE TIME I try to get her to help with the dishes. She grabs some random excuse that doesn't exist and tries to use it to get out of work.

Every day.

I told her why I threw the leaf a dozen times, and each time she said I hadn't given her a reason. She told me to tell her AGAIN. Every time she'd done this, I started to speak and she'd start screaming at me to drown me out.

Finally, I got mad enough that I pushed her head back TWO INCHES, so it bonked the wall. TWO INCHES is not enough to hurt her, I was just trying to get her to shut up and let me speak.

She starts screaming about how I "Pounded her head and gave her a horrible headache". Then she stormed off again, sat down on the couch and put her earbuds back in while I was trying to talk to her.

I took her MP3 player and stuck it in my pocket so she would listen to me, which made her blow up again.

I finally just left to do dishes without her, which meant I'd have to handwash everything from 12 people because I couldn't put anything in the dishwasher.

My mom asked her to make our grandmother's lunch. She's 84, and can't make her own anymore.

Instead my sister comes into the kitchen and demands the MP3 player back. I didn't know she was supposed to be making Grandmother's lunch, so I said, "You can have it back when the dishwasher is empty."

She says that she's supposed to make Grandmother's lunch, and NEEDS her MP3 player to make it.

?

I get back to washing dishes, and she literaly jumps oto my back and starts clawing me for it. That hurt, emotionaly and physicaly.

She was attacking me for the MP3 player I helped get her for her birthday. The one I showed her how to use, and put music on for her.

I got her off, but in the process I accidentaly backed into the counter. She's almost as big as me, her weight threw me off balance.

She came out with a little scrape on her back.

She pulled my hair, scratched my face, back, wrist, and arm with her nails, slammed my shoulder into the doorframe, and screamed into my ear.

I didn't say a thing about any of that, only told her to go away. She starts crying about how I scraped her back.

Meanwhile, Grandmother has been sitting on the couch for ten minutes, waiting for the lunch that MB isn't making.

 

I handle stress really, really well. There is so much going on in my life that hurts me. I'm "the strong one" that my mom, MB, Inyri, Spud (my little brother), KJ (neice), and EW (neohew) go to when they're upset.

I'm the one who helps MB with all her problems, and she promtly forgets. One time she was crying that she wasn't good at anything. She was jealous that I was good at every hobby I'd ever tried. That's not my fault, I can't help it if I'm a natural at so many things.

She said she was tired of seeing Mom and Dad compliment my drawing, sewing projects, anything else I made, while she didn't have anything.

I went out of my way to search for something she could do, I spent monthst trying to find a craft or something she liked, I help her with her writing, edit it, type it all out on my computer for her, draw the pictures for her books, proofread her wriing for school before she gives it to Mom.

But she only remembers the "bad" things I've done.

I can't ever cry, or talk to my family about my problems. My older siblings wouldn't be able to help, I would no longer be "the strong one" for MB, Spud is...well, Spud, and he's eight, so he's out of the question too. Mom is a worrier, and on blood pressure meds for it, I can't tell her anything anymore.

 

I'm tired of this. Once I watched as a certain evil woman screamed lies and profanity at my mom, and I had to hold everything in until I was at home, alone, in my room when I had a panic attack on the floor.

Alone. Because I have no one I can talk to.

Right now I am less than three feet from Garyn, hiding tears. He has no idea how upset I am, because I've become an expert at hiding.

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Aeliss-Novak replied...
Jul. 22, 2012 at 4:31 pm

That was really long.

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Bekah.rainbow_dash replied...
Jul. 22, 2012 at 4:59 pm

I'm so sorry, Aeliss... I wish I could help. =(

Is there something on your sister's mind? Like, maybe she feels guilty for something, or angry, and that's backing everything she says or does, and the way she thinks? Sometimes a guilty or angry conscience can make someone irrational.

If you'd like, I could pray for your family.

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Depressed-optimist replied...
Jul. 22, 2012 at 5:19 pm

I don't know, but it's been getting worse and worse and she has no idea how much it hurts. I miss the old her.

She could be angry, our little brother is spoiled as he.ck, and she resents that.

Prayers are great, thatnks. :)

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Coward_MontblancThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
Jul. 22, 2012 at 6:59 pm

Awww *huggles Aeliss* My sister does similar things :( and I always tell my friends about her because if I tell my parents they would just tell us to stop arguing and that doesn't do anything... My mom told us that our aunt (her twin) would always agrue too and that my grandma would come by and bang their heads together XD... Ah! I'm off topic DX Well anyway... *sigh* I can't exactly give you advice on a problem that I haven't even been able to fix for myself >.<... Why can't you talk to your family about your problems?

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Depressed-optimist replied...
Jul. 22, 2012 at 7:02 pm

I can't talk about it because I'm afraid of giving my mom a heart attack, my siblings won't be able to help, and MB would forget.

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Depressed-optimist replied...
Jul. 22, 2012 at 7:16 pm

The only times that I can think of that my family has seen me cry were when my granddaddy died, my kitten died, and my mom saw me almost cry in the car after Evil Woman screamed at my mom in front of me, my neice, and nephew.

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Lady_Lemon replied...
Jul. 22, 2012 at 7:17 pm

"She might be bipolar" Lemon suggests, tearing up as she reads Aeliss' tragic story "But thats doubtful. To me she just sounds like a horomonal b!tch who needs an attitude adjustment. Me, being the youngest in my family, know what its like to be jealous of an older sibling, or have uncontrollable emotion, but I can garrentee you that Ive never acted like that. If she doesnt appreciate you, dont bother helping Aeliss. Just because someone shares you blood, that doesnt mean they deserve your help or respect."

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Coward_MontblancThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
Jul. 22, 2012 at 7:17 pm

Have you already tried asking your siblings before? And what about your dad? I really wish I can help... You know what my sister did that made us not yell at each other for at least two weeks? XD On my birthday she drew me a card with the characters I made up on it and saying how she hates us arguing all the time because she's afraid that one of us might die after being told a mean thing by the other. It really made me tear up and wished we didn't fight as well... Maybe you should do something like that for your sister. Let her know she is special to someone much rather her sister ^-^  

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An-eloquent-leafThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
Jul. 22, 2012 at 7:24 pm

First things first: *huggles Olivia very tightly*

Second thing, I'm not going to delve deep into the sympathetic part because I don't think I have much time to and because I think you know – or at least I hope you know – that I feel for ya. Honestly, I do, as I am the "strong person" among my family and friends as well. While my situation doesn't seem to be quite as stressful as yours for the moment, I have had my share of, ah, tough times.

Anyway. I'm going to be incredibly blunt here since, like I mentioned, I don't have a whole lot of time.

You aren't perfectly clean in this, which I think you realize. The throwing of the leaves and pushing into the wall wasn't exactly needed. Now, don't get me wrong – I probably would have done something similar and you certainly were antagonized in doing so, but it definitely wasn't needed. I'm going to speak from experience here: don't give anyone else any reason to blame you for anything. It's extremely tough, and it certainly tries your patience, I know, but trust me on this one.

Next: you're wrong about having no one to vent your feelings to. You have us – me, personally – for starters. But I know how it can be more satisfying to express yourself to non-Internet people, and I'm gonna tell you that there are others: you're friends (at least, if they're your friends, they should be willing to lend an ear), your teachers/other adults you see on a regular basis (part of their job is to teach, but part of their job is also to support their students - mentally, physically, and emotionally), and last – but certainly not least – your family.

I know, I know you say that you can't talk to them about things like this, but you should be able to – it's your parents' jobs to help their children, and they don't seem to be doing well with it (also, I apologize if I'm offending you in any way with these words, but I just want to give you the best advice within my abilities). I suggest you sit down and talk with your mom, alone, when she doesn't seem to be too stressed out to the point of tears. Once at that point, have a serious conversation with her about these issues. Confront her about how her child is acting more like an adult than her. Be very polite about it and still give your mom your respect, but be very firm at the same time.

Talk to your siblings, even – insist on it. You're what, thirteen, right? Even if you are older, it's not right that you should he holding these responsibilities to the point of causing panic attacks.

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Depressed-optimist replied...
Jul. 22, 2012 at 7:24 pm

Lemon, I love my sister. We are close, but she keeps hurting me. I tell her everything, including how awful she acts. She just blames me, and won't admit if she's wrong. If I don't help her, no one will. None of us have any friends, and we can't tell our mom anything anymore.

 

Ari, I do things like that for my sister all the time. Once, when we fought it was actually me who was being mean. I made an apology card and she laughed.

Laughed.

I burned the card.

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An-eloquent-leafThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
Jul. 22, 2012 at 7:27 pm

Just because someone shares you blood, that doesnt mean they deserve your help or respect.

To add onto my previous post, Lemon is wrong in saying this. I don't care if someone shares your blood or not, or if they're being a "horomonal bītch" or not. Everyone deserves your respect.

And if you don't, well, it just makes you (and I'm saying "you" as a general term for everyone) seem quite immature.

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Depressed-optimist replied...
Jul. 22, 2012 at 7:30 pm

I know I'm not completely clean, I rarely am in our fights. It was driving me nuts though, she kept telling me to speak then when I opened my mouth she'd scream.

 

And I'm homeschooled. I am my own teacher.

Other than on here, I have no friends.

I don't want to give my mom a heart attack, and my dad would tell her. So I can't talk to them.

And when I talk to my siblings about how I feel, it never helps. I've tried.

 

And I'm 14.

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An-eloquent-leafThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
Jul. 22, 2012 at 7:34 pm

Olivia. You need to discuss this with your parents. A talk will not literally give your mom a heart attack, and if something like that actually will, then perhaps she isn't the best person to be taking care of you, since you must not have any other adults around in your life.

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Depressed-optimist replied...
Jul. 22, 2012 at 7:38 pm

The situation with my brother has her really stressed, my dad is working two jobs and we still only have barely enough money to keep the house and eat.

Plus I have Type One Diabetes, and that costs a lot. My doctor wants me to get a pump, which costs $6,000. We only have $6,000.

She's really stressed, and says that my sister and I's fights make her blood pressure go up and she can feel it. And that's just when she only hears some of it.

Over half my siblings are adults.

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Depressed-optimist replied...
Jul. 22, 2012 at 7:38 pm

The situation with my brother has her really stressed, my dad is working two jobs and we still only have barely enough money to keep the house and eat.

Plus I have Type One Diabetes, and that costs a lot. My doctor wants me to get a pump, which costs $6,000. We only have $6,000.

She's really stressed, and says that my sister and I's fights make her blood pressure go up and she can feel it. And that's just when she only hears some of it.

Over half my siblings are adults.

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Bekah.rainbow_dash replied...
Jul. 23, 2012 at 9:12 am

Aw, I know that's hard, Olivia. (Can I call you Olivia?) 

My family isn't exactly rich either... and when there's a lot of people in the family, it's even harder. =(

Do you have a close grandparent or someone like that that you could talk to?

My younger sister and I's relationship isn't to good either. I don't think it's as bad as you and your sister's appears to be, but at one point, it was pretty awful.

Neither of us would apologize to eachother, we were even snapping at each other IN BED. Like, we went to sleep mad at the other. I thought she was a self-obsessed, media-obsessed, un-caring, bickering, un-thoughtful, disrespectful, 'in-her-own-little-world' brat, and she thought I was a bossy, selfish, domineering, doesn't-want-her-little-sister-to-grow-up, tyrannical, sarcastic, exasperating, un-caring monster.

I see now that actually I WAS being overly exclusive, domineering, selfish, and not caring that my little sister was growing up too. =(

Yes, she was disrespectful and exasperating, but I was the one provoking her. And she was provoking me back.So when I kept telling my stressed and exasperated mom that it was all my SISTER'S problem, she kept trying to tell me that it takes two to have as big of a problem as we did.

Finally, I understood. Our relationship is still a bit rocky, but we're making progress.

And by the way, I can sympathize with the annoyance about your younger sister's "iPod problem". I felt the same way, and sometimes I still do. Like my sister 'can't survive' without it, and it just angers me to watch her on it at all hours of the day.

I prayed for you and your family last night, and will continue to do so!

Since you're a Christian, I'm sure you know that Jesus is always there for you, when you're stressed. But I know sometimes when it gets really bad, you feel alone even then.

I hope everything gets better! Love you! <3

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Aeliss-Novak replied...
Jul. 24, 2012 at 5:13 pm

You can call me Olivia. :)

I have three grandparents, Grandma and Grandpa live in California and I haven't seen them in years, and my Grandmother is getting a bit senile. :( So talking to her would just confuse both of us.

I do know Jesus is always there, and that helps a lot. :)

*hugs everyone*

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Always.Attract replied...
Jul. 24, 2012 at 10:20 pm

Aeliss, I'm really sorry you have to go through this. You just have to hang in there, no matter how hard things get. I'm sorry again, I'll keep you, and your family in my prayers.

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writerauterThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
Jul. 28, 2012 at 5:25 pm

i am really sorry. i can relate to you in a way as i have a large family too. and some of my siblings are special needs. i understand not feeliing like you can talk to your siblings or parents openly. i just wanted you to know that i understand what you are dealing with. i think you are a awesome strong person. and i am your friend, heres my email adress. you can vent to me as often as you need to, i will listen to you and try and help you the best i can, that is what friends do. i am here for you. contact me anytime you like. :) god bless u.

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