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Relationships: Good and Bad

SamanthaW posted this thread...
Jul. 31, 2013 at 5:07 pm

I just got out of a serious relationship and ever since then I have felt the urge to help other people with their relationship problems. Maybe because I'm just experienced in both good and bad relationships. Or maybe because I'm looking for someone that can relate to what I've been through (is that selfish?). At any rate, I would love to help anyone who needs advice. 

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Jul. 31, 2013 at 10:45 pm

Okay, so I guess I'll give this a shot. It's more a release of a burden of mine, but I'd love some suggestions on it. So my bf and I have been dating for five months, and I have a ton of baggage/burdens/issues/whatever you wanna call it. However, my bf has none. When I say none, I mean NONE. No insecurities, no nothing. I feel a lot of the time like I'm weighing him down in some way, and I feel really bad about it, but it's not like I'm actually going to say that to his face, because he would probably waste his breath trying to reassure me (cause he's awesome like that :D). It's gotten to a point that when I feel sad, I usually don't want to tell him because then it'd make him sad or he would exhaust all of his resources trying to cheer me up (when part of the time I'm depressed for no reason apparent to me). So yeah. I hope he won't see this, cause I recently gave him access to my account (he's extremely trustworthy, so I'm okay with this), but I'd really love some advice. :)

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SamanthaW replied...
Aug. 1, 2013 at 2:44 pm

I've been in a situation like this before. I have a lot of trust issues and emotional problems but usually I date guys that have been through the same kind of things. Except one guy who was exactly how you described your boyfriend to be. He was always in a cheerful mood and I felt like I was dragging him down. Making him feel sad when he didn't deserve to be. Honestly, I felt the same way and I did the same thing; I got to a point where I just stopped telling him when something was wrong. Unfortunately, that made him feel like I was keeping things from him and I didn't trust him the way that he trusted me. The relationship ended for other reasons, but we got past it because I accepted the fact that I have a tendency to get depressed or emotional for no apparent reason. I decided that if I was going to be in a relationship with someone, I wanted them to love me for me and not only part of me. If I didn't share my feelings with him, then I would be putting a filter on myself. Like "Okay I can tell him this, but I can't tell him that". You should just remember that if he loves you for you, then he shouldn't have a problem with your flaws. Marilyn Monroe said "I'm selfish, impatient, and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I'm out of control, and at times hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best." Just keep that in mind when dealing with relationships. And accept yourself as someone who wears their heart out on their sleeve. After I did that, life, and relationships, became somewhat easier. That's the best I've got. I hope I helped. :)

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SamanthaW replied...
Aug. 1, 2013 at 2:55 pm

I've been in a situation like this before. I have a lot of trust issues and emotional problems. Usually, I try to date guys that have been through the same kind of stuff as I have. Except one guy who was exactly how you described your boyfriend to be. He was always in a cheerful mood and I constantly felt as though I was bringing him down. Making him feel sad when he didn't deserve to be.

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SamanthaW replied...
Aug. 1, 2013 at 2:56 pm

I got to a point, like you, where I just stopped telling him when something was wrong. But then, he noticed, and he felt like I was keeping things from him. I realized that if he loved me for me, then he wouldn't mind having to deal with me when I get depressed or emotional for no apparent reason.

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SamanthaW replied...
Aug. 1, 2013 at 2:59 pm

You should accept the fact that you are the kind of person that wears their heart on their sleeve. Once I did that, life, and relationships, became somewhat easier to handle. That's the best I've got. I hope I helped. :)

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Aug. 1, 2013 at 3:51 pm

Thank you! :D It really did. Yeah, he kind of picks up on the signs when I'm depressed, e.g. my voice gets really quiet when I talk, I stare into the distance a lot, etc. (I'm starting to pick up on my little quirks when I get sad, too). I'd show him this post so that he'd know, but I'm not sure that's the best idea, so I'll try to work on being more open with it instead. :D Thanks again!

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SamanthaW replied...
Aug. 1, 2013 at 4:54 pm

No problem and yeah I do those exact same things when I get all depressed. :P Hope all goes well with your relationship :)

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kamkitThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
Aug. 6, 2013 at 10:40 pm

All right, why not?
I also recently got out of a serious relationship- a little more than two years- but this isn't about that.
Sorry if this is kind of long haha
This is this guy who went to elementary school with me, and we reconnected on fb about three years ago, we have been texting ever since.
The past couple of months I have hung out with him a few times, and two weeks ago we went to Six Flags together, just the two of us. We spent the whole day there, and right before the park closed we were in line at Goliath and we kissed. We held hands back to his car, and yes, we made out in his car. After that I considered it officially "going out", and i asked him about it and he agreed with me.
He raises animals at the county fair, so we met up there last Friday to see a concert together, and it was great.
I texted him over the weekend, and he didn't really reply to me much. Then, while I was at work Monday, he texted me to tell me he had cheated on me with one of his ex's at the fair Sunday night.
I texted him multiple times telling him we needed to talk in person, and called him when I went to the fair last night again. He has not replied to me at all, and I'm pretty sure he blocked my calls.
I feel really stupid and naive right now about the whole thing
I guess what I'm asking is whether I should continue trying to get a hold of him to talk it out, or whether I should drop it. I just really want closure.
Thank you in advance

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SamanthaW replied...
Aug. 7, 2013 at 12:45 pm

Well I just woke up, so sorry if this isn't my best advice. Honestly, I would just let it go. If he isn't willing to give you the honesty and faithfulness you deserve, then he isn't worth your time or heartache. I've been cheated on before, many times. And I always forgave him, but he never changed. From personal experience, I would say, once a cheater, always a cheater (in most cases). I think you should just ignore him and if he tries to contact you after a while, ask him why he did it and everything so you can get the closure you need. If he doesn't answer or tries to convince you that you should take him back, I would just ignore him. I'm sorry he put you through this :( I know what it feels like and it's probably just best to let it go and move on with your life. You'll be happier, in the long run, if you start to get over this now. There's someone better out there for you, so don't settle for guys that treat you like dirt. I hope I helped even though I probably didn't tell you what you wanted to hear.

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kamkitThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
Aug. 7, 2013 at 1:02 pm

I needed to hear this. Thank you so much for your advice! :)

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SamanthaW replied...
Aug. 7, 2013 at 1:04 pm

No problem at all :) I hope everything works out for you.

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