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Best Friend/Boyfriend

Saika posted this thread...
Mar. 30, 2013 at 7:03 am

So I've here's my background on this subject. I met this fabulous guy when I moved to my new town almost two years ago, and he quickly became my best friend. By the end of that school-year he was literally my best friend in every single way imaginable. We know everything about one another, and that made me start having feelings for him. He has always said he loved me, since day one. Through thick and thin he has said this to me, and I was never able to return those feelings until this year. (mind you I have liked him longer than he even knows). But he lives in Maine, and me in Colorado, because his stepmom got a new job there... So yeah, long distance isn't my thing, and I told him so many times (he finally got what I was saying when his girlfriend, whom he was dating when I admitted my feelings and whom lived in the same town as I, cheated on him) Pretty much, everything was going well until I dated this other guy, because of being so lonely without this one. It was selfish of me, yes, don't lecture me on that. But recently my hunny from Maine told me he wants to marry me, and I told him that I would be willing if he proposed. But pretty much tonight him and I got into a big fight, because I was being a little pushy, trying to get him to talk to me about what was bothering him, and he yelled at me... We almost worked through it, with both of us still very upset about what had just happened, and my friend, who was comforting me, suddenly got sick to her stomach (because of me) and left Facebook and all other accounts... After that, as she is almost like a little sister to him, he stopped replying and also left. Now I don't know what to do, and I've been crying since it happened, I know it's long and weirdly complicated, but I need advice,as I'm scared I lost him... And I love him more tha I do my own life. So anything, I mean ANYTHING will help!!!

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Mar. 30, 2013 at 9:51 am

Dear Saika, 
       What I think you should do in this situation is accept that he loves you. I don't know who he is. But the way you describe him he doesn't sound half descent, and if that's the case figure out why he left. It doesn't sound like he would just leave out of nowhere. Also at the end you were talking to his sister? I was confused on that part. Oh well I hope this helps I really enjoy your poetry and art that you upload, and I'm sure that this passion you have for this guy could give you lots of inspiration. Anyways best of luck. 
 
     -Jack The PumpkinKIng 

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Saika replied...
Mar. 30, 2013 at 3:37 pm

Jack... Why do you follow me as such? I'm sorry v//v but you are very decent to me

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CTS207 replied...
Mar. 30, 2013 at 8:32 pm

My psychology brain is getting a massive work out from processing all of this. So forgive me but I am going to be completly honest with you and it may hurt big time. (thats my fair warning)
So were yall dating before the distance? if so for how long, it takes atleast a year + of 'in-contact-dating' to survive such a great distance. This love story sounds like it is filled with more miscomunications then facebook and thats being nice about it. I honestly do not see any salvaging of this thing. Once again forgive me but if you 2 had a SOLID foundation of a year or more in-contact-dating and you created a solid plan when it comes to communication, you two could probably had made it through and unto matrimony. But alas cheating, is only the result of ether poor communication or loss of intrest *atleast in this context thats all I can speculate*. Once again I am really sorry for being blunt here.

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Saika replied...
Mar. 31, 2013 at 1:10 am

So let me clear up some plot holes here. We never dated, but have known each other for almost two years, he moved last summer, but we keep in contact via Skype and Facebook. No cheating had occurred, just the yearning to be with one another. You see, as he became my most true friend in all of the world in such a short time, we know pretty much everything that goes on in each others lives. It's just a little iffy sometimes, as he suffers from depression, and I may or may not be bipolar (not officially diagnosed, but it's true, I snap EASILY). Yeah may be a little.. Iffy for a relationship, but I try to keep my own cool about it, something I do control without pills or anything. But we can't do anything with out another either there or knowing. Our spirits are connected. We figured Things out but I would like advice for future reference

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CTS207 replied...
Mar. 31, 2013 at 4:08 pm

Then your plan to keep things going needs to include these elements: truth, honesty, understanding and consideration.

I don't think I need to explain how important the truth is in every relationship, but let me stress DETAILS. Due to the fact that nature doesn't allow us to read minds. We have to use as much of detail as possible to describe with full accuracy all that we wish to express. So be honest, be truthful with detail in mind as to how you feel, what is going on and why etc. Consideration...in regards to timing and circumstances requires a mutual understanding of when is the right time to speak and when is it best to keep silent. Which is why the details of whatever is going on is very important to keep things going.  Let say you had a bad day, you don't know how or you don't want to describe it. You can simply say "I had an indescribable bad day today." instead of saying "I had a sucky day." See the difference ...well anyway, he'll take the hint and hopefully not pour out his bad or good day on top of that and will be more focused on comforting you.

As for the diagnosed depression condition, prepare for a long emotional battle. Timing with such a condition is not always comfortable let alone predictable. Hence why a mutual understanding is so important. But that can't happen without honesty and truth with detail in mind.  As for the last rule of it advice: NEVER speak of important matters over texting. Always Skype or phone call when it comes to matters of the heart.

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Mar. 31, 2013 at 6:00 pm

Maybe you're right maybe it's not meant to last. Maybe she finds someone. Is that what you're trying to say?

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Mar. 31, 2013 at 7:16 pm

Well you know what? Even if that is what you are trying to say. I don't always believe that you are right. You personally don't rank high for me as a reliable source. I think that the situation is going to end out better then you think. I believe that love and the will of a person can triumph over any logic in this case. Have some faith. Christian -_-

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Saika replied...
Mar. 31, 2013 at 7:21 pm

Jack! Don't insult her! I do enjoy hearing what she has to say, as I am pretty sure what is being said is more About how we need to listen to one another more, which I know we already do... That we need to understand what one another are feeling and trying to say and to be honest about it. Don't assume that what's being said is some christian nonsense, sometimes, blind to faith, people can be right.

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Saika replied...
Mar. 31, 2013 at 7:23 pm

Jack! Don't insult her! I do enjoy hearing what she has to say, as I am pretty sure what is being said is more About how we need to listen to one another more, which I know we already do... That we need to understand what one another are feeling and trying to say and to be honest about it. Don't assume that what's being said is some christian nonsense, sometimes, blind to faith, people can be right.

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